Thursday, October 29, 2009

Controversial Question Regarding Sex Before Marriage

When creating a project on a topic such as dating, there is one issue that seems to really stick out; the issue of sex before marriage. Religion has and always will be a controversial topic. But for many religions, there seems to be a common ground for the taboo of having premarital sex. Some use this reason alone to hold off on having sex before getting married, but to others this reason is not strong enough.
There are people who have a very strong and powerful faith in their belief/religion that is against premarital sex; however they still choose to “get it on”. This is not to say that these people are bad in any means. No. It is just showing how controversial this topic is. Would you like to know which websites are rated the top 5 dating sites of 2009, click on this link http://www.consumer-rankings.com/Dating/?c=4&e=r&ch=1&ad=3522738760&sc=search&kw=top%20dating%20sites&ag=1339547470&cr=22951492&gclid=CMiEzMyg4J0CFSZdagodqShVNQ
Some say that they do not have premarital sex out of the fear of unplanned pregnancies. Which leads to the question of pro-life vs. pro-choice? If you did/do have an unplanned pregnancy, do you have an abortion, give it up for adoption, conceive the child and leave it to die, or keep and raise the child. Here is a link to information about in-clinic abortion procedures http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/abortion/in-clinic-abortion-procedures-4359.htm. Here, we have a link that says “In 2001, approximately one-half of pregnancies in the United States were unintended (Finer 2006, Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health), and the United States has set a national goal of decreasing unintended pregnancies to 30% by 2010” http://www.cdc.gov/reproductivehealth/UnintendedPregnancy/index.htm. Going along with the topic of fear comes the fear of contracting STD’s. As an example, when asking a college student if he wants to have premarital sex, he replied “F**k yeah I wanna get laid, but what if I find a b***h that puts out; who’s to say she doesn’t sleep around and isn’t cum filled with diseases”. This link shows astounding facts, such as pregnancies among females living in the U.S. reached 745,000 http://www.cdc.gov/media/pressrel/2009/r090716a.htm. Do you want to know more about STD’s? Check out this link http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/stds-hiv-safer-sex-101.htm.
One’s morals and ethics may also serve as a boundary to premarital sex. One may not be religious and still through their own morals hold off on sex. There is also the topic of one’s family morals and ethics. A family may have strict penalties if one disobeys their rules/morals, such as being thrown out of the house to the ethics of having female surgical circumcisions to ensure a “pure”, “honest”, abiding way of life. Check out this link to learn more about relationship responsibilities http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/relationships/relationship-responsibilities-19914.htm.
How do you feel about the issue of sex before marriage?

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Interview #1

Dating Interview #1: By Cheyenne Inglis

Preliminary Questions:

Name: REBEKAH MENDOZA

Male/ Female: FEMALE

Ethnicity: PORTUGUESE, SPANISH, FRENCH, GERMAN

Age: LOUD AND PROUD "40!"

Sexuality: Gay/ Bisexual/ Straight/ Transgendered/ Intersex: STRAIGHT (tried Bisexual while inebriated, not my preference.)

When approaching a possible date:

If you are interested in someone, will you approach them first? WHEN I COME ACROSS AN ATTRACTIVE MAN, FIRST I TRY TO MAKE MYSELF APPROACHABLE AND GIVE OFF ALL THE RIGHT SIGNALS SO HE CAN FEEL CONFIDENT TO APPROACH ME. IF TOO MUCH TIME HAS PASSED AND IT SEEMS LIKE ONE OF US MIGHT BE LEAVING THE VENUE, I WOULD NORMALLY MAKE EYE CONTACT AND INTRODUCE MYSELF AND GO FROM THERE WITH, "WHERE ARE YOU FROM," AND EVENTUALLY, "IF YOUR AVAILABLE AND CAN I HAVE YOUR NUMBER." BUT ONLY IF THE CONVERSATION SEEMS TO BE GOING IN THE DIRECTION OF HIM SHOWING SOME TYPE OF INTEREST IN ME.

Interest is good. But if you are turned down, would you approach the same person again? IN THE PAST I HAVE FOUND MYSELF APPROACHING THE SAME PERSON TWICE AND EVEN FOUR TIMES! NOW THAT I'VE MATURED, I FIND THAT LIFE HAS MORE TO OFFER THAN WASTING PRECIOUS TIME ON THOSE THAT DO NOT APPRECIATE YOUR COMPANY.

So what physical qualities attract you to a person? EYE CONTACT, GREAT TEETH, WEIGHT/HEIGHT PROPORTION, FULL HEAD OF NATURALLY GROWN HAIR, TO NAME A FEW. PHYSICAL QUALITIES VARY THOUGH FROM GUY TO GUY. A GUY CAN LOOK LIKE BRAD PITT BUT HE ALSO HAS TO BE ARTICULATE, SHARE SAME INTEREST AS I DO SUCH AS POLITICS, HOBBIES, CHILDREN, STAYING FIT AND EATING HEALTHY. THE SIZE OF HIS CEREBRAL CORSUM WINS BROWNIE POINTS WITH ME ALONG WITH THE SIZE OF HIS SHOE.

That’s a lot, but it’s good to know you have standards! What turn’s you off from a person? I EASILY GET TURNED OFF FROM ANYONE WHO IS SHALLOW, SELFISH, UNCARING, DISRESPECTFUL, LOW SELF-ESTEEM, FREE LOADER, MAMA'S BOY, DRUG ADDICT, SEX ADDICT, SMOKER OF ANY TYPE, DEPENDANT, FICA SCORE LESS THAN 600 (I'M BEING GENEROUS WITH THAT ONE) DOES NOT OWN A BED, PREDATOR, BAD DRIVING RECORD, UNINSURED, HAD NOT HELD A JOB FOR LONGER THAN A YEAR, AND WHO HOLDS A CRIMINAL RECORD.

What about pick up lines? Have you ever used pick up lines or received pick up lines to initiate a conversation? I HAVE NEVER USED A PICK-UP LINE. I FIND THEM CORNY, EVEN THOUGH I CHUCKLE WHEN SOMEONE DIRECTS THEM TO ME. I AM VERY STRAIGHT FORWARD AND CUT TO THE CHASE. I MAKE EYE CONTACT, TAKE A DEEP BREATHE, PRAY I DO NOT GET SHOT DOWN, AND MAKE THE MOVE BEFORE I LOSE THE OPPORTUNITY.

Which is always good, you don’t want to miss an opportunity! Now I know some guys out there might have this rule, but after meeting someone and exchanging numbers do you wait a certain amount of time to call them? I DON'T HAVE RULES TO HOW MANY DAYS OF CALLING EVEN THOUGH I DO TEXT THE GUY WITHIN THE COUPLE OF HOURS AFTER MEETING. TXTING HAS BECOME THE NEW MEDIUM OF COMMUNICATION WHERE WE NO LONGER CALL THE PERSON.

How long? AFTER WE HAVE EXCHANGE A GREAT NUMBER OF TEXT MESSAGES I WILL ASK HIM A GOOD TIME TO MOVE OUR CONVERSATION TELEPHONICALLY.

Have you dated someone older or younger than you? I HAVE DONE BOTH.

How many years difference? THE YOUNGEST I HAVE AND DIDN'T KNOW IT, 20 YEARS OLD. THE OLDEST HE SAID HE WAS IN HIS LATE 40S, LATER I FOUND OUT HE HAD A FACE-LIFT! HE NEVER TOLD ME BUT I DID RESEARCH AND FOUND OUT LATE 50’S.

So is age nothing but a number to you? WITH THE RIGHT GUY IT’S JUST A NUMBER. BUT THEN AGAIN, WHEN HE IS 38 AND ACTS LIKE HES 20, THEN THERE’S A PROBLEM.

Early Dating:

If you’re going on the first few dates with someone, who do you expect to pay? IT DEPENDS ON WHICH DATE WE ARE ON AND WHO INITIATED THE DATE. IF I WAS THE ONE WHO SUGGESTED THE VENUE, I WILL PAY. I DON'T MIND PAYING AS LONG AS I KNOW THAT THE GUY AND I HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING OF WHERE OUR RELATIONSHIP IS GOING AND I KNOW THERE IS SOME POTENTIAL FOR GROWTH.
That’s fair! So, describe an ideal first date. I AM LEARY OF HOW MUCH TIME THE GUY HAS SPENT ON PREPARING FOR THE DATE, ESPECIALLY BASED ON HOW MUCH TIME HE HAS SPENT GETTING TO KNOW ME BEFORE THE INITIAL DATE AND WHAT HIS EXPECTATIONS ARE.

So no ideal date, just depends on how much time the guy has spent? YES, IF I KNOW HE IS ATTRACTED TO ME, AND HAS SPENT A LOT OF TIME ON MAKING A GOOD DATE, THEN THAT WOULD BE AN IDEAL FIRST DATE FOR ME.

How long do you wait to have sex with someone that you are dating? SOMETIMES I DO THE REVERSE DEPENDING IF I HAD BEEN DRINKING AND THE LEVEL OF INTOXICATION I AM, THEN I END UP DOING THE "WALK OF SHAME." ALCOHOL INTERRUPTS MY PLAN TO WAIT FOR MR. WONDERFUL TO DO THE PROPER TRADITIONAL THING OF CALLING ME AND WAIT FOR DATE NUMBER 10 BEFORE WE BECOME INTIMATE. RECENTLY THOUGH, MY "WALK OF SHAMES" HAVE DECREASED MAINLY DUE TO THE HIGH CASES OF "STD's."

STD’s are definitely a big problem today. SO MANY GUYS I HAVE MET DON'T SEEM TO CARE TO ASK ABOUT THE LAST TIME I HAVE BEEN TESTED. THE LAST FIVE GUYS I ASKED .. IRONICALLY THEY ALL SAID "JUST LAST WEEK I WAS AT THE LAB." WHEN I GET TESTED I ALWAYS HAVE THE TEST RESULTS PRINTED OUT, I HAVE NEVER MET A GUY WHO PRODUCE THE SAME.

You just have to be careful I guess. Well if they are “STD” free and someone who fits your standards, how long do you date someone until you make the relationship official? USUALLY I WAIT THREE WEEKS TO A MONTH BEFORE I KNOW I CAN MAKE IT OFFICIAL.

Would you ever date more than one person at the same time? NO, I CAN'T EVEN TRY IF I WANTED TO DATE MORE THAN ONE GUY AT ONCE. IT WOULD BECOME TOO COMPLICATED TRYING TO REMEMBER "WHO IS WHO." JUST THINKING ABOUT IS EXHAUSTING AND HURTFUL TO THE OTHER PERSON.

That’s refreshing! Would you date outside of your race? THERE ARE SO MANY MIXED RACES OUT THERE AND DIFFERENT COLORS OF PEOPLE THAT REPRESENT A VARIETY OF THEM. I CANNOT SAY I WILL NOT DATE "AFRICAN AMERICAN" OR "ASIAN" BECAUSE AT TIMES PEOPLE ALWAYS ASSUME I AM OF A DIFFERENT ETHNICITY WHEN IAM NOT WHO THEY THINK I AM. I DO NOT LIKE TO JUDGE, I STRICTLY GO WITH CHEMISTRY, SEXUAL ATTRACTION.

Serious Relationships:

First off, have you ever been in a serious relationship? YES A COUPLE, AND I WAS MARRIED ONCE BEFORE.

In a serious relationship, have you cheated on someone? HMMMM… TECHNICALLY YES. I WAS STILL LEGALLY MARRIED, BUT IT WAS AFTER MY EX HUSBAND FILED FOR DIVORCE. THE DIVORCED LAST 2 YEARS IN THE LEGAL SYSTEM.

How long do you wait until you take your relationship to the next level: Engaged/ Marriage? DEPENDING IF WE ARE BOTH ON THE SAME PAGE OF WANTING THE SAME THING, I WOULD ONLY WAIT A YEAR OR TWO BEFORE I MENTION ENGAGEMENT IF HE HAS NOT DONE SO. I JUST GOT DIVORCED SO MARRIAGE IS NOT IN MY VOCABULARY.

Very understandable. Will you live with someone while dating them? I HAVE LIVED WITH SOMEONE FOR 12 YEARS AND HE WAS NOT MARRIAGE MATERIAL SO THEREFORE I WILL NOT REPEAT MY PAST MISTAKES.

You live and you learn. YES

Have you said ‘I love you’ first or do you wait for your partner to say it? I HAVE SAID IT WHILE INTOXICATED DURING INTIMACY WITHIN THE FIRST MONTH OF DATING, THEN I PLAYED IT OFF AS IF HE DIDN'T HEAR ME. THOSE ARE STRONG WORDS, I WOULD DEFINITELY GO BASED ON HOW I FEEL FOR SOMEONE AND NOT SO MUCH ON THE RIGHT TIMING. IF SOMEONE MAKES YOUR TOES CURL, THEY ARE ALL YOU THINK ABOUT FIRST THING IN THE MORNING, AND THEY BECOME YOUR MOTIVATION FOR THE DAY. EVEN IF YOU HAVE BEEN DATING FOR ONE MONTH BUT BEEN SPENDING AN ENORMOUS AMOUNT OF TIME TOGETHER COMPARED TO OTHER COUPLES WHO SPEND HALF THE TIME WITHIN 6 MONTH TIME FRAME, THEN I THINK ITS OK. SOME COUPLES HAVE DATED 6-9 MONTHS AND THEY ONLY DATE ONCE A WEEK, WHILE OTHER COUPLES FIND IT MORE OF A PRIORITY TO SEE EACH OTHER EVERYDAY. ITS THE TIME SPENT TOGETHER NOT THE LENGTH OF THE RELATIONSHIP THAT COUNTS.

So last question. Do you believe in love at first sight? I USED TO BUT AFTER MY DIVORCE I HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH ISSUES SUCH AS TRUST AND TRYING NOT TO HAVE EXPECTATIONS WHEN I THINK I HAVE MET MR. PRINCE CHARMING.

Completely understandable, you definitely have been through a lot lately, and I wish you all the best! Thank you for sitting down and taking the time to do the interview!