Showing posts with label Dating Tips. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dating Tips. Show all posts
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Dating Rules for Women
Dating Rules for WomenThe Do's and Dont's of dating for the modern female
Guys: If you don't like this, look away now.
In another dating article on this site, you will find a general set of rules than men should follow when dating. In the same way, women have some general rules that they should contend with when entering the dating jungle. Now I know everyone is different, so don't take things too seriously here. There has been some controversy over some literature published in the USA that lays out in detail the rules a woman should follow to get her guy (or gal). Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider's 1995 bestseller "The Rules," explains how women should play hard if they want to get their guy. I can understand why some groups would be hostile about this, but the fact is that when we grow up, there are a predefined set of dating rules. What happens is that we forget most of them after the age of 21, and then realize we need to relearn them.
I wish there weren't any general rules, but courtship is a ritual. There are things that we make happen that excite, stimulate, create interest and confound. Dating is a long test of compatibility. Are we perfectly matched? If we just threw ourselves together, then the chances of long term happiness might be compromised. And yet previous generations managed to succeed on a far less complex courtship criteria list. Many arranged marriages work all too interestingly.
In every society there are a predefined set of social rules we follow, from the way and timing of eating to the way we behave in public. The issue here is that when women date, there are some things that can help them be more successful. If we accept that dating is a game, then there are rules to that game. There are winners and losers. If you know the rules in advance, it gives you a head start. If men know the rules by which you are playing, you may change the rules to suit the situation to keep the man guessing. Men love a challenge, so feel free to adapt rules and add them as you feel inclined.
You can separate rules out into two parts, dating and online dating. Both areas have distinct rules that a woman should follow for dating success.
General Dating Rules
Always look great, whatever your income. Gorgeous hair and some lipstick with rags will still turn his head. You have the advantage. You are the woman. Look your best as you could meet a potential Mr. Right anywhere at any time.
Never reveal information you don't have to. An enigmatic woman drives men wild.
Keep dates brief, but your men interested. Less is always more.
Try and stay in shape and involve some fitness regime at a gym. However much you hate it, your Mr. Right loves your body as much as your mind.
Let your man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab.
Ensure you receive flowers. If he doesn't know what a florist is, dump him.
Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything.
Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady's perogative.
Never be available when he wants you to be. Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying.
If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday.
Weekend shopping trips with girlfriends are sacred and not available for dates.
Keep your man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly.
Ensure you are a good kisser. Men will walk away if you cannot kiss. Practice on a mirror if you have to.
Never ever talk about previous boyfriends, particularly their prowess in the bedroom. Your ex-boyfriends are your business only.
Never assume anything about your date until you choose to know him better. You cannot always tell by looking.
If any man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity, run like the wind. Life is too short for boys.
If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace, dump him.
Never talk too much about your father and how your date measures up in comparison.
Never ever come across as too available or too desperate. He will run a mile. He is the one doing the chasing.
If the guy in the corner is gorgeous, go get him and create the need in him for you. Never wait for men to come to you because you may watch him leave with someone else.
You may well have all the bodily functions of a man, just try not to demonstrate them early on.
If you want a child, don't mention it on the first few dates.
Never ever criticize his mother unless you want to remain single.
Online Dating Rules
Always let them come to you, don't chase them via email.
Block anyone who annoys you instantly.
Post the best and most vampish photo you can find.
Don't reply to instant messages with clever opening lines.
Remain aloof and let yourself be chased.
Always reply to emails at least 3 days after receipt.
Never provide your real email or phone details.
Always date safely and protect yourself at every turn.
Make sure your login name is stunning and sexy, as well as enigmatic.
Do not login for hours on end. Short, rapid visits are best.
Do not assume the person you are talking to is destitute or sad.
Never ever reply to emails on weekends. Wait until a weekday.
Never state how good your sexual performance is in your profile.
If you don't want to date married men, spell it out in your profile.
A man who doesn't reply to your email within 3 days should be ignored.
Make sure your humor levels come across in text.
Do not chat to hundreds of men at once. The delay in replying is a dead giveaway and your Mr. Right will be off.
Don't even think about misrepresenting your size or description. They will find out.
Come across as cool and sophisticated for best results
Ladies, always remember that you are a sexy, desirable woman and the world is your oyster. Always let men do the chasing and always allow yourself to be the chooser. Always stay safe and never risk yourself for the sake of attending a date. Always use a safe dating Website.
http://www.topdatingtips.com/dating-rules-for-women.htm
Guys: If you don't like this, look away now.
In another dating article on this site, you will find a general set of rules than men should follow when dating. In the same way, women have some general rules that they should contend with when entering the dating jungle. Now I know everyone is different, so don't take things too seriously here. There has been some controversy over some literature published in the USA that lays out in detail the rules a woman should follow to get her guy (or gal). Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider's 1995 bestseller "The Rules," explains how women should play hard if they want to get their guy. I can understand why some groups would be hostile about this, but the fact is that when we grow up, there are a predefined set of dating rules. What happens is that we forget most of them after the age of 21, and then realize we need to relearn them.
I wish there weren't any general rules, but courtship is a ritual. There are things that we make happen that excite, stimulate, create interest and confound. Dating is a long test of compatibility. Are we perfectly matched? If we just threw ourselves together, then the chances of long term happiness might be compromised. And yet previous generations managed to succeed on a far less complex courtship criteria list. Many arranged marriages work all too interestingly.
In every society there are a predefined set of social rules we follow, from the way and timing of eating to the way we behave in public. The issue here is that when women date, there are some things that can help them be more successful. If we accept that dating is a game, then there are rules to that game. There are winners and losers. If you know the rules in advance, it gives you a head start. If men know the rules by which you are playing, you may change the rules to suit the situation to keep the man guessing. Men love a challenge, so feel free to adapt rules and add them as you feel inclined.
You can separate rules out into two parts, dating and online dating. Both areas have distinct rules that a woman should follow for dating success.
General Dating Rules
Always look great, whatever your income. Gorgeous hair and some lipstick with rags will still turn his head. You have the advantage. You are the woman. Look your best as you could meet a potential Mr. Right anywhere at any time.
Never reveal information you don't have to. An enigmatic woman drives men wild.
Keep dates brief, but your men interested. Less is always more.
Try and stay in shape and involve some fitness regime at a gym. However much you hate it, your Mr. Right loves your body as much as your mind.
Let your man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab.
Ensure you receive flowers. If he doesn't know what a florist is, dump him.
Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything.
Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady's perogative.
Never be available when he wants you to be. Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying.
If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday.
Weekend shopping trips with girlfriends are sacred and not available for dates.
Keep your man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly.
Ensure you are a good kisser. Men will walk away if you cannot kiss. Practice on a mirror if you have to.
Never ever talk about previous boyfriends, particularly their prowess in the bedroom. Your ex-boyfriends are your business only.
Never assume anything about your date until you choose to know him better. You cannot always tell by looking.
If any man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity, run like the wind. Life is too short for boys.
If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace, dump him.
Never talk too much about your father and how your date measures up in comparison.
Never ever come across as too available or too desperate. He will run a mile. He is the one doing the chasing.
If the guy in the corner is gorgeous, go get him and create the need in him for you. Never wait for men to come to you because you may watch him leave with someone else.
You may well have all the bodily functions of a man, just try not to demonstrate them early on.
If you want a child, don't mention it on the first few dates.
Never ever criticize his mother unless you want to remain single.
Online Dating Rules
Always let them come to you, don't chase them via email.
Block anyone who annoys you instantly.
Post the best and most vampish photo you can find.
Don't reply to instant messages with clever opening lines.
Remain aloof and let yourself be chased.
Always reply to emails at least 3 days after receipt.
Never provide your real email or phone details.
Always date safely and protect yourself at every turn.
Make sure your login name is stunning and sexy, as well as enigmatic.
Do not login for hours on end. Short, rapid visits are best.
Do not assume the person you are talking to is destitute or sad.
Never ever reply to emails on weekends. Wait until a weekday.
Never state how good your sexual performance is in your profile.
If you don't want to date married men, spell it out in your profile.
A man who doesn't reply to your email within 3 days should be ignored.
Make sure your humor levels come across in text.
Do not chat to hundreds of men at once. The delay in replying is a dead giveaway and your Mr. Right will be off.
Don't even think about misrepresenting your size or description. They will find out.
Come across as cool and sophisticated for best results
Ladies, always remember that you are a sexy, desirable woman and the world is your oyster. Always let men do the chasing and always allow yourself to be the chooser. Always stay safe and never risk yourself for the sake of attending a date. Always use a safe dating Website.
http://www.topdatingtips.com/dating-rules-for-women.htm
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Cure your approach anxiety
Cure your approach anxiety
You see an attractive woman at a bar, coffee shop, or party. You want to go talk to her…when all of a sudden that nervous feeling shows up.
Sound familiar?
Most guys are not “naturals” at being able to confidently approach any woman they want, in any situation. (At least not without a lot of alcoholic “liquid courage.”)
Being able to confidently approach a woman you are interested in – without creeping her out by glancing at her repeatedly while trying to psych yourself up, without hovering her, without being yet another drunk guy – is not necessary before you can even begin the process of seducing her, but the confidence and boldness you’ll show is attractive to women in itself.
At Love Systems, we have something called the “three second rule”. It’s been proven that women respond much better to men who start approaching them within three seconds of noticing each other.
To help you cultivate this reflex (see an attractive women…no more than three seconds…start moving your feet), here are some basic pointers:
Don’t over think things
Agonizing over the “perfect” thing to say will kill your chances. The three second rule gives you just a couple moments to think of what you’ll say; then it’s time to start moving. Even if you just say “Hi,” it’s better than a brilliant opening line delivered after 10 minutes or standing around.
If you’re especially nervous, the best tried-and-true routines (not just opening lines, but the next thing you say, plus proven lines to build attraction, comfort, and to close the deal) are available in the downloadable Love Systems Routines Manual.
Rejection isn’t a judgment
Don’t fear rejection. If she isn’t interested, you’re no worse off than if you didn’t approach her in the first place. Remember, she can’t possibly reject you in the first 90 seconds – she doesn’t know you well enough to reject you. She can only reject your approach. Using Love Systems techniques will cure that situation quickly…
Warm up
To break the ice, consider your first few approaches as “warm ups.” Get yourself in a talkative mood before you hit the bar/party/club. Before you go out, call a few friends. Hit a couple bars on your way out. Above all, don’t take anything too seriously. The more you make it fun, the easier it will be (and your results will improve).
Use opinion openers
Opinion openers are great for getting over approach anxiety because, after all, you’re just asking a question. Since you’re simply engaging the woman by asking a question, opinion openers are a great way to ease into more aggressive and rewarding approaches. A great list of opinion openers can be found in the free, downloadable Chapter 5 of Magic Bullets.
Create incentives
Just like working out, improving your ability to approach will involve some rewarding and punishing. For example, you can go out with a friend and give him $200 and have him give you $20 back every time you approach someone new. Whatever method you choose, the goal should be to incentivize yourself to approach as much women as possible.
Dealing with mixed groups
Don’t be afraid of mixed groups of men and women. To avoid any potential issues, direct your opening conversation to the men in the group first and start to befriend them (but don’t kiss their ass). You can talk about sports, cars, drinks, or anything that seems like a natural conversation starter. If you’re interesting enough, you’ll grab the woman’s interest as well.
Approaching a mixed group is also an automatic point builder with women, since they’ll admire your guts for approaching a group full of guys. Almost immediately, you’ll also be able to gauge the relationships of the men and women in the group. Are they dating? Did they all just meet? Depending on the situation, you can either sink or swim together. Check out Chapter 21 in Magic Bullets for an advanced look at how to decipher a good wingman from a rival and be successful with groups.
Nick Savoy is President and Program Leader of Love Systems (formerly Mystery Method Corp). The Love Systems approach to meeting women was recently proven on a live episode of the Tyra Banks show
source: http://www.fhmonline.com/Site/Content/Article.aspx?ID=42049
You see an attractive woman at a bar, coffee shop, or party. You want to go talk to her…when all of a sudden that nervous feeling shows up.
Sound familiar?
Most guys are not “naturals” at being able to confidently approach any woman they want, in any situation. (At least not without a lot of alcoholic “liquid courage.”)
Being able to confidently approach a woman you are interested in – without creeping her out by glancing at her repeatedly while trying to psych yourself up, without hovering her, without being yet another drunk guy – is not necessary before you can even begin the process of seducing her, but the confidence and boldness you’ll show is attractive to women in itself.
At Love Systems, we have something called the “three second rule”. It’s been proven that women respond much better to men who start approaching them within three seconds of noticing each other.
To help you cultivate this reflex (see an attractive women…no more than three seconds…start moving your feet), here are some basic pointers:
Don’t over think things
Agonizing over the “perfect” thing to say will kill your chances. The three second rule gives you just a couple moments to think of what you’ll say; then it’s time to start moving. Even if you just say “Hi,” it’s better than a brilliant opening line delivered after 10 minutes or standing around.
If you’re especially nervous, the best tried-and-true routines (not just opening lines, but the next thing you say, plus proven lines to build attraction, comfort, and to close the deal) are available in the downloadable Love Systems Routines Manual.
Rejection isn’t a judgment
Don’t fear rejection. If she isn’t interested, you’re no worse off than if you didn’t approach her in the first place. Remember, she can’t possibly reject you in the first 90 seconds – she doesn’t know you well enough to reject you. She can only reject your approach. Using Love Systems techniques will cure that situation quickly…
Warm up
To break the ice, consider your first few approaches as “warm ups.” Get yourself in a talkative mood before you hit the bar/party/club. Before you go out, call a few friends. Hit a couple bars on your way out. Above all, don’t take anything too seriously. The more you make it fun, the easier it will be (and your results will improve).
Use opinion openers
Opinion openers are great for getting over approach anxiety because, after all, you’re just asking a question. Since you’re simply engaging the woman by asking a question, opinion openers are a great way to ease into more aggressive and rewarding approaches. A great list of opinion openers can be found in the free, downloadable Chapter 5 of Magic Bullets.
Create incentives
Just like working out, improving your ability to approach will involve some rewarding and punishing. For example, you can go out with a friend and give him $200 and have him give you $20 back every time you approach someone new. Whatever method you choose, the goal should be to incentivize yourself to approach as much women as possible.
Dealing with mixed groups
Don’t be afraid of mixed groups of men and women. To avoid any potential issues, direct your opening conversation to the men in the group first and start to befriend them (but don’t kiss their ass). You can talk about sports, cars, drinks, or anything that seems like a natural conversation starter. If you’re interesting enough, you’ll grab the woman’s interest as well.
Approaching a mixed group is also an automatic point builder with women, since they’ll admire your guts for approaching a group full of guys. Almost immediately, you’ll also be able to gauge the relationships of the men and women in the group. Are they dating? Did they all just meet? Depending on the situation, you can either sink or swim together. Check out Chapter 21 in Magic Bullets for an advanced look at how to decipher a good wingman from a rival and be successful with groups.
Nick Savoy is President and Program Leader of Love Systems (formerly Mystery Method Corp). The Love Systems approach to meeting women was recently proven on a live episode of the Tyra Banks show
source: http://www.fhmonline.com/Site/Content/Article.aspx?ID=42049
10 Important Dating Tips for Men
10 Important Dating Tips for Men
There is a saying that "you never get a second chance to make a good first impression." With that in mind, it is vital to be fully prepared to make a great impression on each date you go on. Here are 10 tips for men on dating success and making an impression that will last.
1. Take a Bath or Shower
One of the worst things you could do when going out on a date (especially if it is your first date) is to turn up unshaven, looking dirty and smelling. Women are the cleaner of the species and will partly judge you on how hygienic you are. After all, you would be appalled if she turned up for the date looking like a mutt dog with tangled fur that hadn't bathed for days.
It doesn’t cost anything to take a bath and to make an effort to look and smell nice. Remember, bad breath and body odor are an instant turn off and she will assume that this is how you are all the time even if you are just having a bad day. As a result, she won’t be able to see beyond your appearance.
2. Arrive on Time
Whatever you do, don’t turn up late. Turning up late will send out all the wrong impressions. At first she may think she's been stood up, but after arriving late her opinion will change to you being unreliable or not caring enough about her to be on time. If you are picking her up from her home then it is advisable to turn up five minute before you are due. Any earlier and you might catch her adjusting her makeup or still getting ready. Five minutes early is the earliest you should arrive. But never be late.
3. Give Her a Thoughtful Gift
A woman feels special when the man she is with gives her a thoughtful gift. What is a thoughtful gift? Well, you obvious know some things about a woman before a first date that came from phone conversations, emails, etc. Take what you know and buy her an appropriate date gift. For example, let's say that the woman really likes golf. There are companies that make chocolate golf sets - a miniature chocolate club with a chocolate tee and chocolate golf ball. This would make a great first date gift. For a generic thoughtful gift, buy a chocolate rose. That's always appropriate without being overboard.
4. Be a Gentleman
Hold the door open for her, let her walk through the doors first, pull her chair, and be polite to her along with the people around you. Women like to feel special and by treating her like a lady she will think you are fantastic.
5. Compliment Her
The first thing to say to her is you look beautiful before you even ask how she is. Keep up the compliments throughout your date, but do not go over board (3-4 for the night should be more than enough). A woman loves to be complimented, to feel beautiful and to think that you are attracted to her. The more sincere and observant your compliment, the bigger impact it will have. But remember again not to go overboard. More than four compliments may make you appear fake and not real.
6. Listen to Her and Ask Questions
Nobody wants to spend the whole night listening to someone talk about themselves. But you do have to get to know each other. Ask her questions, but more importantly listen to what she has to say. A woman is attracted to a man who is genuinely interested in hearing what she has to say. Spend a lot more time asking her questions and letting her talk than talking yourself.
7. Prepare for the Conversation
The last thing you want is to be sitting at a meal with nothing to talk about. Think about your date and what you would like to know about her. You may think that it is easy to talk and that you will not run out of questions to ask or that you will automatically have the answers but until you are in the situation, you have no idea what it will be like. Avoid talking about past relationships or other women while on the date. Keep your focus, attention, and conversation fully on her.
8. Pay for the Date
It's virtually always appropriate for a gentleman to offer to pay for the date. When a man takes it upon himself to pay for the date, he is displaying that old act of "chivalry" that is missing from many men these days. However, some women feel more comfortable going "dutch" and if she insists on this, then don't resist. To avoid awkwardness, make sure you let her know before the date that you plan on paying for it.
9. The Goodnight Kiss
Some women prefer not to kiss after a first date, while others may be disappointed if the guy doesn't even try. There is no easy answer to this question. Body language and chemistry throughout the night is key in the decision you make. If it feels right, then you may want to consider making the move. If it doesn't feel right then a friendly hug may be more appropriate.
10. I'll Call You
Only tell her that you will call her if you mean it and intend on seeing her again. Do not, under any circumstances, tell her you will call her if you are not interested and have no plans to call her. In this case, when saying goodbye, just say, "It was nice meeting you" and wish her luck. Or you could just say good night, smile and walk a way. But if you do like her and are interested, then you must let her know.
source: http://www.onlinedatingmagazine.com/articles/datingtipsformen.html
There is a saying that "you never get a second chance to make a good first impression." With that in mind, it is vital to be fully prepared to make a great impression on each date you go on. Here are 10 tips for men on dating success and making an impression that will last.
1. Take a Bath or Shower
One of the worst things you could do when going out on a date (especially if it is your first date) is to turn up unshaven, looking dirty and smelling. Women are the cleaner of the species and will partly judge you on how hygienic you are. After all, you would be appalled if she turned up for the date looking like a mutt dog with tangled fur that hadn't bathed for days.
It doesn’t cost anything to take a bath and to make an effort to look and smell nice. Remember, bad breath and body odor are an instant turn off and she will assume that this is how you are all the time even if you are just having a bad day. As a result, she won’t be able to see beyond your appearance.
2. Arrive on Time
Whatever you do, don’t turn up late. Turning up late will send out all the wrong impressions. At first she may think she's been stood up, but after arriving late her opinion will change to you being unreliable or not caring enough about her to be on time. If you are picking her up from her home then it is advisable to turn up five minute before you are due. Any earlier and you might catch her adjusting her makeup or still getting ready. Five minutes early is the earliest you should arrive. But never be late.
3. Give Her a Thoughtful Gift
A woman feels special when the man she is with gives her a thoughtful gift. What is a thoughtful gift? Well, you obvious know some things about a woman before a first date that came from phone conversations, emails, etc. Take what you know and buy her an appropriate date gift. For example, let's say that the woman really likes golf. There are companies that make chocolate golf sets - a miniature chocolate club with a chocolate tee and chocolate golf ball. This would make a great first date gift. For a generic thoughtful gift, buy a chocolate rose. That's always appropriate without being overboard.
4. Be a Gentleman
Hold the door open for her, let her walk through the doors first, pull her chair, and be polite to her along with the people around you. Women like to feel special and by treating her like a lady she will think you are fantastic.
5. Compliment Her
The first thing to say to her is you look beautiful before you even ask how she is. Keep up the compliments throughout your date, but do not go over board (3-4 for the night should be more than enough). A woman loves to be complimented, to feel beautiful and to think that you are attracted to her. The more sincere and observant your compliment, the bigger impact it will have. But remember again not to go overboard. More than four compliments may make you appear fake and not real.
6. Listen to Her and Ask Questions
Nobody wants to spend the whole night listening to someone talk about themselves. But you do have to get to know each other. Ask her questions, but more importantly listen to what she has to say. A woman is attracted to a man who is genuinely interested in hearing what she has to say. Spend a lot more time asking her questions and letting her talk than talking yourself.
7. Prepare for the Conversation
The last thing you want is to be sitting at a meal with nothing to talk about. Think about your date and what you would like to know about her. You may think that it is easy to talk and that you will not run out of questions to ask or that you will automatically have the answers but until you are in the situation, you have no idea what it will be like. Avoid talking about past relationships or other women while on the date. Keep your focus, attention, and conversation fully on her.
8. Pay for the Date
It's virtually always appropriate for a gentleman to offer to pay for the date. When a man takes it upon himself to pay for the date, he is displaying that old act of "chivalry" that is missing from many men these days. However, some women feel more comfortable going "dutch" and if she insists on this, then don't resist. To avoid awkwardness, make sure you let her know before the date that you plan on paying for it.
9. The Goodnight Kiss
Some women prefer not to kiss after a first date, while others may be disappointed if the guy doesn't even try. There is no easy answer to this question. Body language and chemistry throughout the night is key in the decision you make. If it feels right, then you may want to consider making the move. If it doesn't feel right then a friendly hug may be more appropriate.
10. I'll Call You
Only tell her that you will call her if you mean it and intend on seeing her again. Do not, under any circumstances, tell her you will call her if you are not interested and have no plans to call her. In this case, when saying goodbye, just say, "It was nice meeting you" and wish her luck. Or you could just say good night, smile and walk a way. But if you do like her and are interested, then you must let her know.
source: http://www.onlinedatingmagazine.com/articles/datingtipsformen.html
Friday, November 13, 2009
Forces of Attraction
Premium Health News Service
October 26, 2009
Forces of Attraction
The building blocks of sex appeal.
When you're attracted to someone, your whole body switches on. It's like hearing the first bars of your favorite song. And though it might feel like magic, it isn't random. It's just too complex for us to discern the harmony. Attraction is so subtle that we would trip over our own feet if we were aware of every move. That's why our brains have set us up to draw instantaneous inferences from tiny nuances of behavior, what psychologists call "thin slices" of judgment. We form first impressions of another's attractiveness in a tenth of a second, generating a symphonic burst of desire in which everything from voice to wit plays a part.
What's in a voice?
The sound of a sexy voice can echo for generations ("Happy Birthday, Mr. President..."). And the dissonance of an ear-blistering cackle can turn away even the most interested suitors (call it the Fran Drescher effect). But between these extremes, how much do we weigh the voice of a potential partner--and what do we listen for when they first open their mouths?
Accents affect our perceptions, as do speed and pitch. We judge fast talkers to be more educated, and those with varied inflection to be more interesting. Men prefer higher voices in women, and women like deeper voices in men (especially when ovulating or looking for a short-term relationship). Pitch correlates only loosely with height, but is closely tied to hormone levels -- meaning it's a good indicator of fertility or dominance, as well as health and attractiveness. "In general, people with attractive voices have attractive faces," says David Feinberg, a psychologist at McMaster University, Hamilton, Ontario, Canada.
If your voice eclipses your face as your star quality, keep your mouth moving. A recent study showed that hearing tones that matched men's or women's voices made androgynous headshots appear more masculine or feminine. In other words, a sonorous voice can actually enhance your looks.
Your reputation precedes you
No matter how spectacular your entrance, your reputation got there before you. And it has primed everyone's reptilian brain to render a high-speed decision on whether you are to be trusted. If the answer is affirmative, that charming chap holding court in the center of the room may be kindly disposed to flash you a smile, let down his guard, and begin the dance of attraction.
But if the amygdala sends up a caution flag -- otherwise known as anxiety -- you may have to work extra hard to create a positive impression. It may be, finds a team of German and Austrian researchers, that we're all far more attuned to advance word than to the evidence before our very eyes.
People like people whom others find attractive. You might be inclined to think it's because socializing with (or sleeping with) the It girl enhances your own status in the crowd. And maybe it does. But a recent study suggests it's also an effective mating shortcut. Choosing a good partner takes time and energy. When one woman finds a guy attractive, others are likely to flock to him too. Scientists call it "mate-choice copying." It makes life easier for fish and birds, and it turns out to be the way people operate, too.
Copyright © 2009, Tribune Media Services
October 26, 2009
Forces of Attraction
The building blocks of sex appeal.
When you're attracted to someone, your whole body switches on. It's like hearing the first bars of your favorite song. And though it might feel like magic, it isn't random. It's just too complex for us to discern the harmony. Attraction is so subtle that we would trip over our own feet if we were aware of every move. That's why our brains have set us up to draw instantaneous inferences from tiny nuances of behavior, what psychologists call "thin slices" of judgment. We form first impressions of another's attractiveness in a tenth of a second, generating a symphonic burst of desire in which everything from voice to wit plays a part.
What's in a voice?
The sound of a sexy voice can echo for generations ("Happy Birthday, Mr. President..."). And the dissonance of an ear-blistering cackle can turn away even the most interested suitors (call it the Fran Drescher effect). But between these extremes, how much do we weigh the voice of a potential partner--and what do we listen for when they first open their mouths?
Accents affect our perceptions, as do speed and pitch. We judge fast talkers to be more educated, and those with varied inflection to be more interesting. Men prefer higher voices in women, and women like deeper voices in men (especially when ovulating or looking for a short-term relationship). Pitch correlates only loosely with height, but is closely tied to hormone levels -- meaning it's a good indicator of fertility or dominance, as well as health and attractiveness. "In general, people with attractive voices have attractive faces," says David Feinberg, a psychologist at McMaster University, Hamilton, Ontario, Canada.
If your voice eclipses your face as your star quality, keep your mouth moving. A recent study showed that hearing tones that matched men's or women's voices made androgynous headshots appear more masculine or feminine. In other words, a sonorous voice can actually enhance your looks.
Your reputation precedes you
No matter how spectacular your entrance, your reputation got there before you. And it has primed everyone's reptilian brain to render a high-speed decision on whether you are to be trusted. If the answer is affirmative, that charming chap holding court in the center of the room may be kindly disposed to flash you a smile, let down his guard, and begin the dance of attraction.
But if the amygdala sends up a caution flag -- otherwise known as anxiety -- you may have to work extra hard to create a positive impression. It may be, finds a team of German and Austrian researchers, that we're all far more attuned to advance word than to the evidence before our very eyes.
People like people whom others find attractive. You might be inclined to think it's because socializing with (or sleeping with) the It girl enhances your own status in the crowd. And maybe it does. But a recent study suggests it's also an effective mating shortcut. Choosing a good partner takes time and energy. When one woman finds a guy attractive, others are likely to flock to him too. Scientists call it "mate-choice copying." It makes life easier for fish and birds, and it turns out to be the way people operate, too.
Copyright © 2009, Tribune Media Services
Dating Tips: 7 Signs He's Serious About You
Dating Tips: 7 Signs He's Serious About You
By dating blogger Rich Santos for Marie Claire Photo:
Getty Images Updated: Nov 5, 2009
In that first month of dating, even the coolest guy can only play it so cool. If he's serious, he'll drop hints.
It's hard to remember the simple things that indicate he is serious about you when you're being courted, especially when his game is intoxicating, and he's saying "all the right things." So keep in mind, seriousness should not be measured by:
- The amount of money he's spending on you
- The grandeur of dates
- The frequency of dates
- The nice things he says
During the fledgling weeks of dating, if he's doing any of the following, there's a chance that he's serious:
#1. He Calls/Texts at the Right Time
It's good when a guy texts/calls any time, any day. And subject matter should range from date ideas to insignificant things like the fact that he found a $10 bill on the sidewalk on the way to work.
#2. He Wants to See You... a Lot
I'll try to see a girl as often as I can when I'm into her. Even though I'm a certified expert in the art of laziness, I overcome my desire to sleep or do nothing in those critical early moments of the relationship. My priorities change from Ramen, Wikipedia, and TV to wine bars, walks, and dinners.
#3. You Pass the Distance Test
It seems this always happens: You meet someone you like, you hang out for a few weeks, and then a holiday or business trip interrupts. So, instead of riding the momentum of the sparks, you must brave that week apart. Will things be the same afterwards? Will you communicate?
If I'm into a girl, time away intensifies my desire to communicate
If I'm into a girl, time away intensifies my desire to communicate and I anticipate seeing her again -- and I definitely contact her while we are apart. If I'm not into her, she is easily dismissed from my thoughts when we are apart.
#4. You Stack Up Against the Things He Loves to Do
I never thought I'd see the day when guys in our Ravens football watching group would not only show up with a girl, but they'd also miss some of the game because of morning brunch. Yikes! But that's exactly what one of my friends is doing now. I would struggle to sacrifice Ravens time, but when I'm into a girl, she is on the same plane as the things I'm passionate about.
#5. He Finds a Way to Make Time for You
Some people love work, but I would be discouraged if someone worked instead of spending time with me in the first few weeks of a relationship. Even when work needs to be done, I'll find a way to get it done and see the girl. When I'm not into her, I might use the work as an excuse to avoid her.
#6. You See His Other Side
I'm a goofball. People wonder how I'll ever meet someone. They don't understand that the right girl will see the other side of me: serious, behaved, deep, thoughtful, and respectful. When I'm into a girl, I never say anything obnoxious in front of her... at least until I know she likes me. When I'm not into a girl, I'll just act like an idiot with my friends -- almost as if she isn't there.
#7. You Have Down Time Together
If I'm into her, the time we spend just hanging out is the best -- I imagine sun-drenched mornings lying in bed, making breakfast, enjoying "Saved by The Bell" episodes together, and other low-key moments. But if I'm not into a girl, I'll leave her place, or "encourage" her to leave my place instead of hanging out.
Unfortunately, some guys can pull off all of the above without being serious. But usually, a guy who is not serious will not put forth so much effort. Sometimes, in our zeal to find companionship, we forget the simple things, and we convince ourselves that, even though we aren't getting much of someone's time, they are into us. We deserve a relationship with mutual effort that is not simply being used as a means to an end. It's simply about enjoying each other's company.
By dating blogger Rich Santos for Marie Claire Photo:
Getty Images Updated: Nov 5, 2009
In that first month of dating, even the coolest guy can only play it so cool. If he's serious, he'll drop hints.
It's hard to remember the simple things that indicate he is serious about you when you're being courted, especially when his game is intoxicating, and he's saying "all the right things." So keep in mind, seriousness should not be measured by:
- The amount of money he's spending on you
- The grandeur of dates
- The frequency of dates
- The nice things he says
During the fledgling weeks of dating, if he's doing any of the following, there's a chance that he's serious:
#1. He Calls/Texts at the Right Time
It's good when a guy texts/calls any time, any day. And subject matter should range from date ideas to insignificant things like the fact that he found a $10 bill on the sidewalk on the way to work.
#2. He Wants to See You... a Lot
I'll try to see a girl as often as I can when I'm into her. Even though I'm a certified expert in the art of laziness, I overcome my desire to sleep or do nothing in those critical early moments of the relationship. My priorities change from Ramen, Wikipedia, and TV to wine bars, walks, and dinners.
#3. You Pass the Distance Test
It seems this always happens: You meet someone you like, you hang out for a few weeks, and then a holiday or business trip interrupts. So, instead of riding the momentum of the sparks, you must brave that week apart. Will things be the same afterwards? Will you communicate?
If I'm into a girl, time away intensifies my desire to communicate
If I'm into a girl, time away intensifies my desire to communicate and I anticipate seeing her again -- and I definitely contact her while we are apart. If I'm not into her, she is easily dismissed from my thoughts when we are apart.
#4. You Stack Up Against the Things He Loves to Do
I never thought I'd see the day when guys in our Ravens football watching group would not only show up with a girl, but they'd also miss some of the game because of morning brunch. Yikes! But that's exactly what one of my friends is doing now. I would struggle to sacrifice Ravens time, but when I'm into a girl, she is on the same plane as the things I'm passionate about.
#5. He Finds a Way to Make Time for You
Some people love work, but I would be discouraged if someone worked instead of spending time with me in the first few weeks of a relationship. Even when work needs to be done, I'll find a way to get it done and see the girl. When I'm not into her, I might use the work as an excuse to avoid her.
#6. You See His Other Side
I'm a goofball. People wonder how I'll ever meet someone. They don't understand that the right girl will see the other side of me: serious, behaved, deep, thoughtful, and respectful. When I'm into a girl, I never say anything obnoxious in front of her... at least until I know she likes me. When I'm not into a girl, I'll just act like an idiot with my friends -- almost as if she isn't there.
#7. You Have Down Time Together
If I'm into her, the time we spend just hanging out is the best -- I imagine sun-drenched mornings lying in bed, making breakfast, enjoying "Saved by The Bell" episodes together, and other low-key moments. But if I'm not into a girl, I'll leave her place, or "encourage" her to leave my place instead of hanging out.
Unfortunately, some guys can pull off all of the above without being serious. But usually, a guy who is not serious will not put forth so much effort. Sometimes, in our zeal to find companionship, we forget the simple things, and we convince ourselves that, even though we aren't getting much of someone's time, they are into us. We deserve a relationship with mutual effort that is not simply being used as a means to an end. It's simply about enjoying each other's company.
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