Tuesday, December 8, 2009
A Summary of Survey Findings
Receiving 61 male responses and 161 female responses, the results of our survey served as a vital tool to the amount of research data our group has compiled for our project on dating. The survey included key components, asking the individual their gender, age, race/ethnicity (African American, Asian/Pacific Islander, Latino/Hispanic, Caucasian, Other) and sexual orientation (straight, gay, bisexual, not sure, other). With a series of well-developed, anonymous, objective questions, those taking the survey were able to fell comfortable enough to provide sincere, genuine, honest answers. By providing the key components previously listed, we were able to divide up the results of our survey into many different categories: all results of males and females, just females, just gay females, gay females who are African American, gay females who are African American between the ages of 18-25, etc. With this amount of data available, our group was able to ascertain the exact results needed to further develop our research project.
With the vast amount of information obtained from this survey, we have decided to post a generic model of our data. Providing the results of all males and females of all ages, race, and sexual orientation, we have allowed to a more worldly view as to how we are all being impacted as a culture. From this information alone, we can see how the affects of dating have impacted each and every one of us and how each and every one of us has had an impact on dating.
With the vast amount of information obtained from this survey, we have decided to post a generic model of our data. Providing the results of all males and females of all ages, race, and sexual orientation, we have allowed to a more worldly view as to how we are all being impacted as a culture. From this information alone, we can see how the affects of dating have impacted each and every one of us and how each and every one of us has had an impact on dating.
Media Analysis: FHM
For Him Magazine (FHM) is one of the top leading male magazines around the world, including countries such as the UK, Singapore, Australia, Malaysia, and Turkey. It has been designed to appeal to the average male, filled with sex provoking articles and beautiful half-naked women gracing the covers of each issue. However, FHM has not always been published this way. The early FHM magazines were focused on fashion and style, being distributed throughout European fashion outlets. It was not until 1987 that the publishers of the magazine began to take their publication to the shelves of newsagents.
Beginning in 1994, FHM magazine took a new approach of a competing magazine known as Loaded. The focus of FHM shifted from fashion to beautiful women, drinking, sports, and humor. As a need to distance themselves from top shelf publications, FHM introduced scantily clad women to the covers of their magazines. This is now commonly accepted among consumers and is a strong selling point for the magazine. It is because of this new “sexualized” approach that an upset in sales has occurred in pornographic media giants such as Playboy and Penthouse. This may be due to the fact that men may less embarrassed when a “men’s lifestyle” magazine than a pornographic one. However, the line between pornography and what is presented in FHM magazine has become more than shady.
Throughout this past decade the covers of FHM magazine have presented highly sexualized article topics including: “I want to achieve a perfect orgasm”, “why you should be bedding older women”, “sex on the beach”, and “the world’s hottest threesome”. With the display of women bent-over, with legs spread open, there no wondering why pornographic powerhouses such as Playboy and Penthouse have had an upset in sales.
In a 2003 FHM photo shoot, television cooking host Rachel Ray poses in lingerie and scantily sucks on a strawberry, causing an uproar in criticism. It wasn’t until an interview on late night news program, Nightline, that Rachel Ray commented upon her decision to pose for such a magazine. During the interview Ray comments on how she felt privileged given the opportunity to pose for a magazine that thrives on the success of displaying photos of such beautiful, sexualized women, saying “that if you’ve got it go for it”. It is because of views like these, that the ideas of women being treated as objects are so prevalent in today’s society. Yet it is becoming more accepted by both men and women that to have these views of women as objects, due to the bombardment of the media and its influences.
Steve Miller
Rachel Ray’s interview on youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDRm3sku3qs
Beginning in 1994, FHM magazine took a new approach of a competing magazine known as Loaded. The focus of FHM shifted from fashion to beautiful women, drinking, sports, and humor. As a need to distance themselves from top shelf publications, FHM introduced scantily clad women to the covers of their magazines. This is now commonly accepted among consumers and is a strong selling point for the magazine. It is because of this new “sexualized” approach that an upset in sales has occurred in pornographic media giants such as Playboy and Penthouse. This may be due to the fact that men may less embarrassed when a “men’s lifestyle” magazine than a pornographic one. However, the line between pornography and what is presented in FHM magazine has become more than shady.
Throughout this past decade the covers of FHM magazine have presented highly sexualized article topics including: “I want to achieve a perfect orgasm”, “why you should be bedding older women”, “sex on the beach”, and “the world’s hottest threesome”. With the display of women bent-over, with legs spread open, there no wondering why pornographic powerhouses such as Playboy and Penthouse have had an upset in sales.
In a 2003 FHM photo shoot, television cooking host Rachel Ray poses in lingerie and scantily sucks on a strawberry, causing an uproar in criticism. It wasn’t until an interview on late night news program, Nightline, that Rachel Ray commented upon her decision to pose for such a magazine. During the interview Ray comments on how she felt privileged given the opportunity to pose for a magazine that thrives on the success of displaying photos of such beautiful, sexualized women, saying “that if you’ve got it go for it”. It is because of views like these, that the ideas of women being treated as objects are so prevalent in today’s society. Yet it is becoming more accepted by both men and women that to have these views of women as objects, due to the bombardment of the media and its influences.
Steve Miller
Rachel Ray’s interview on youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDRm3sku3qs
Female ONLY responses from open ended questions
What physical qualities attract you to a person?
Top responses. Out of 161 female responses, these qualities were included in their descriptions
1. 48% Smile
2. 43% Body (having a nice butt, arms, shoulders, neck, and looking athletic)
3. 39% Eyes
4. 31% Height (taller than themselves)
5. 18% Facial Features (attractive facial features)
6. 18% Hair
7. 14% Personality
8. 2% Intelligence
9. 1% Confidence
What would turn you off from person?
Top responses. Out of 161 female responses, these qualities were included in their descriptions
1. 25% Attitude
2. 18% Looks (bad hair, nails, hygiene)
3. 14% Odor (body and mouth)
4. 13% Smoker
5. 12% Cockiness
6. 11% Teeth
7. 11% Arrogance
8. 6% No set goals
9. 4% Overweight
Unlike the male responses, there were no vulgar comments represented in the female responses
Describe an ideal first date:
Top responses. Out of 161 female responses, these were mentioned:
1. 34% Dinner
2. 31% Activity (going to the beach, dancing, having fun)
3. 24% Movie (going to the movies)
4. 20% Talking (getting to know each other)
5. 4% Coffee (relaxing with a cup of coffee)
Dinner and a movie were often mentioned together, while going to the beach was the most mentioned activity to do.
How long do you wait until you take your relationship to the next level: Engaged/ Marriage
Top results. Out of 161 female responses, these were mentioned:
1. 22% When it feels right
2. 19% Depends
3. 12% At least 2 years
4. 10% 6 months to 1 year
5. 9% At least 3 years
6. 8% Never got to that level
7. 8% 5 or more years
Do you say ‘I love you’ first or wait for your partner to say it?
Top results. Out of 161 female responses, these were mentioned:
1. 44% Wait for the other person to say it
2. 26% I do (either when the time is right, or I do all the time)
3. 14% Depends
4. 1% Mutual
5. 1% Not sure
6. 1% Never been in love
How does the media’s portrayal of dating influence your dating, if at all?
Top results. Out of 161 female responses, these were mentioned:
1. 63% It doesn’t
2. 29% It does
3. 4% N/A
4. 0.6% Don’t know
5. 0.6% Never dated
Those who stated that media portrayal of dating has had an influence on their dating had mentioned these specific reasons: the promotion of promiscuity and sex, dates need to be rich and lavish, and that there will always be a happy ending.
These two comments were the more elaborate of the results:
1) The media ever since a girl is young corrupts their mind into thinking that there is a prince charming waiting for them, and there are so many absurd magazines and movies that still enforce that idea. Which is the reason why most girls that a hard time dating because its not what they expected. So I've learned to not believe everything the media has proclaimed to be true
2) The media's portrayal of dating disgusts me. It was so far from accurate and persuades teens into thinking that it's normal. The media does not influence my dating and relationships at all... Maybe the media's style of dating is right for some people. But I know that if I acted like that, I would NOT get a second day because I wouldn't be acting myself. Dating is truly all about authenticity and the media's view definitely influences us to act a certain way.
written by: Steve Miller
Top responses. Out of 161 female responses, these qualities were included in their descriptions
1. 48% Smile
2. 43% Body (having a nice butt, arms, shoulders, neck, and looking athletic)
3. 39% Eyes
4. 31% Height (taller than themselves)
5. 18% Facial Features (attractive facial features)
6. 18% Hair
7. 14% Personality
8. 2% Intelligence
9. 1% Confidence
What would turn you off from person?
Top responses. Out of 161 female responses, these qualities were included in their descriptions
1. 25% Attitude
2. 18% Looks (bad hair, nails, hygiene)
3. 14% Odor (body and mouth)
4. 13% Smoker
5. 12% Cockiness
6. 11% Teeth
7. 11% Arrogance
8. 6% No set goals
9. 4% Overweight
Unlike the male responses, there were no vulgar comments represented in the female responses
Describe an ideal first date:
Top responses. Out of 161 female responses, these were mentioned:
1. 34% Dinner
2. 31% Activity (going to the beach, dancing, having fun)
3. 24% Movie (going to the movies)
4. 20% Talking (getting to know each other)
5. 4% Coffee (relaxing with a cup of coffee)
Dinner and a movie were often mentioned together, while going to the beach was the most mentioned activity to do.
How long do you wait until you take your relationship to the next level: Engaged/ Marriage
Top results. Out of 161 female responses, these were mentioned:
1. 22% When it feels right
2. 19% Depends
3. 12% At least 2 years
4. 10% 6 months to 1 year
5. 9% At least 3 years
6. 8% Never got to that level
7. 8% 5 or more years
Do you say ‘I love you’ first or wait for your partner to say it?
Top results. Out of 161 female responses, these were mentioned:
1. 44% Wait for the other person to say it
2. 26% I do (either when the time is right, or I do all the time)
3. 14% Depends
4. 1% Mutual
5. 1% Not sure
6. 1% Never been in love
How does the media’s portrayal of dating influence your dating, if at all?
Top results. Out of 161 female responses, these were mentioned:
1. 63% It doesn’t
2. 29% It does
3. 4% N/A
4. 0.6% Don’t know
5. 0.6% Never dated
Those who stated that media portrayal of dating has had an influence on their dating had mentioned these specific reasons: the promotion of promiscuity and sex, dates need to be rich and lavish, and that there will always be a happy ending.
These two comments were the more elaborate of the results:
1) The media ever since a girl is young corrupts their mind into thinking that there is a prince charming waiting for them, and there are so many absurd magazines and movies that still enforce that idea. Which is the reason why most girls that a hard time dating because its not what they expected. So I've learned to not believe everything the media has proclaimed to be true
2) The media's portrayal of dating disgusts me. It was so far from accurate and persuades teens into thinking that it's normal. The media does not influence my dating and relationships at all... Maybe the media's style of dating is right for some people. But I know that if I acted like that, I would NOT get a second day because I wouldn't be acting myself. Dating is truly all about authenticity and the media's view definitely influences us to act a certain way.
written by: Steve Miller
Males only responses to open ended questions
What physical qualities attract you to a person?
Out of 61 male responses
11 felt that personality counted as a physical quality
50 were interested in such physical qualities as:
1. Smile
2. Eyes
3. Breasts
4. Buttocks
5. Legs
6. Skin
7. Face
8. Height
9. Hair
With eyes and smile scoring the highest.
What would turn you off from person?
Out of 61 male responses
We sub-categorized our result into 3 overall sections and these are the most common responses:
Hygiene
1. Bad breath
2. Body odor
3. Smoking
Personality
1. Annoying laughs
2. Manners
3. No sense of humor
Looks
1. Overweight/ obese
The interesting thing about this question is that personality was the number one turn off I would have assumed different.
Here were the most vulgar of our results.
1. Fat chicks or high maintenance broads.
2. Attitude and hygiene don’t like chicks that smell like hotdog water when they open their legs, that’s a Big No No!!!
3. Stuck up attitude, cold hearted personality. If she’s a bitch, it’s a no go. Unless it’s just for a fun night.
Describe an ideal first date:
Out of 60 male responses
1. Dinner
2. Talking and getting to know each other
3. Movies
4. Some form of sexual interaction
Surprisingly drinking was only mentioned 3 times out of the 60 responses.
Most degrading results
1. One in which I get laid and spend no $.
2. RESTARAUNT,DANCE CLUB,BED
3. plane trip to somewhere nice or we could go to McDonalds, depends on the girl
How long do you wait until you take your relationship to the next level: Engaged/ Marriage?
Out of 61 male responses
1. when it feels right
2. One year
3. Three years
4. Never got to that level before
Do you say I love you first or wait for your partner to say it?
Out of 61 male responses
1. Man says its first
2. Wait
3. Never been in love
4. Wait for the other person to say it
5. When the time is right
6. Mutual
How does the media’s portrayal of relationships influence you?
Out of 61 male response
1) Media doesn’t have an effect: 45
2) Media does have an effect: 9
3) Does not know: 7
Out of 61 male responses
11 felt that personality counted as a physical quality
50 were interested in such physical qualities as:
1. Smile
2. Eyes
3. Breasts
4. Buttocks
5. Legs
6. Skin
7. Face
8. Height
9. Hair
With eyes and smile scoring the highest.
What would turn you off from person?
Out of 61 male responses
We sub-categorized our result into 3 overall sections and these are the most common responses:
Hygiene
1. Bad breath
2. Body odor
3. Smoking
Personality
1. Annoying laughs
2. Manners
3. No sense of humor
Looks
1. Overweight/ obese
The interesting thing about this question is that personality was the number one turn off I would have assumed different.
Here were the most vulgar of our results.
1. Fat chicks or high maintenance broads.
2. Attitude and hygiene don’t like chicks that smell like hotdog water when they open their legs, that’s a Big No No!!!
3. Stuck up attitude, cold hearted personality. If she’s a bitch, it’s a no go. Unless it’s just for a fun night.
Describe an ideal first date:
Out of 60 male responses
1. Dinner
2. Talking and getting to know each other
3. Movies
4. Some form of sexual interaction
Surprisingly drinking was only mentioned 3 times out of the 60 responses.
Most degrading results
1. One in which I get laid and spend no $.
2. RESTARAUNT,DANCE CLUB,BED
3. plane trip to somewhere nice or we could go to McDonalds, depends on the girl
How long do you wait until you take your relationship to the next level: Engaged/ Marriage?
Out of 61 male responses
1. when it feels right
2. One year
3. Three years
4. Never got to that level before
Do you say I love you first or wait for your partner to say it?
Out of 61 male responses
1. Man says its first
2. Wait
3. Never been in love
4. Wait for the other person to say it
5. When the time is right
6. Mutual
How does the media’s portrayal of relationships influence you?
Out of 61 male response
1) Media doesn’t have an effect: 45
2) Media does have an effect: 9
3) Does not know: 7
What Your Race Really Has to Say
Fisman, Raymond., Iyengar, Sheena S. (2008). Racial Preferences in Dating. The Review of Economic Studies Limited
This article examines if there are racial preference in dating. Employed through a speed dating experiment, this study directly observed the individuals’ preferences rather than survey responses. The backgrounds of the observed individual were taken into consideration, including their racial composition of their ZIP code, as well as the current attitudes in a subject’s state or country. It was concluded that same-race preferences are negatively correlated with education. However, it was observed that females exhibit stronger racial preferences than the males, while older subjects and more physically attractive subjects exhibited fewer amounts of same-race preferences.
Steve Miller
This article examines if there are racial preference in dating. Employed through a speed dating experiment, this study directly observed the individuals’ preferences rather than survey responses. The backgrounds of the observed individual were taken into consideration, including their racial composition of their ZIP code, as well as the current attitudes in a subject’s state or country. It was concluded that same-race preferences are negatively correlated with education. However, it was observed that females exhibit stronger racial preferences than the males, while older subjects and more physically attractive subjects exhibited fewer amounts of same-race preferences.
Steve Miller
Premarital Sex vs. Marital Satisfaction
Legkauskas, Visvaldas., Stankeviciene, Dzeralda. (2008). Premarital Sez and Marital Satisfaction of Middle Aged Men and Women: A Study of Married Lithuanian Couples. Springer Science
This article focuses on a study conducted to investigate possible relationships between: current marital satisfaction and age of onset of sexual intercourse, having and experience of premarital intercourse, the number of premarital sexual partners, and having an experience of premarital cohabitation (to live together in an intimate relationship). The results of this study among middle-aged Lithuanian couples indicate that there is no significant relationship between the experience of premarital sexual intercourse and marital satisfaction of men or women. However, men, who have had more premarital partners and cohabitation experience, were less satisfied with their marriages.
For women, starting sexual activity at a younger age and having larger numbers of premarital partners was related to lower marital satisfaction.
Steve Miller
This article focuses on a study conducted to investigate possible relationships between: current marital satisfaction and age of onset of sexual intercourse, having and experience of premarital intercourse, the number of premarital sexual partners, and having an experience of premarital cohabitation (to live together in an intimate relationship). The results of this study among middle-aged Lithuanian couples indicate that there is no significant relationship between the experience of premarital sexual intercourse and marital satisfaction of men or women. However, men, who have had more premarital partners and cohabitation experience, were less satisfied with their marriages.
For women, starting sexual activity at a younger age and having larger numbers of premarital partners was related to lower marital satisfaction.
Steve Miller
Who are more aggressive, Men or Women?
Merten, Michael J., Williams, Amanda L., (2009). Acceptability of Maritial Violence Among College Men and Women: Does Gender and Current Relationship Status Matter? Vol. 43 Issue 3, p843 9p. College Student Journals
This article examines the acceptability of marital violence among college men and women, viewing the role of gender, current relationship status, and the interaction between gender and relationship status. It was found that women who believe male-female violence is unjustifiable reactively believe female-male violence is warranted and vice-versa. The study concludes that both men and women are more accepting of violence among intimate partners. However, female college students are less accepting of violence among married couples than male college students, regardless of the sex of the perpetrator.
Steve Miller
This article examines the acceptability of marital violence among college men and women, viewing the role of gender, current relationship status, and the interaction between gender and relationship status. It was found that women who believe male-female violence is unjustifiable reactively believe female-male violence is warranted and vice-versa. The study concludes that both men and women are more accepting of violence among intimate partners. However, female college students are less accepting of violence among married couples than male college students, regardless of the sex of the perpetrator.
Steve Miller
Adolescent Sex
Moore, Kristin A. (1995). Adolescent Sex, Contraception, and Childbearing. Information Analyses
This article talks about how the history of dating, marriage, and sexual experience has drastically changed over time. It was reported that women were marrying at younger ages in the 1950 than the 1920s and that those who delayed marriage, combined with an earlier age of first sexual experience, has resulted in a 50% increase in the likelihood that a teenage female would have premarital sex between the late 1950s and mid 1980s. As a result, 95% of sexually experienced teenagers in the 1980s were unmarried at first intercourse, compared with less than 60% in the late 1950s. It had also been concluded that a 27 percent increase in sexual experience among adolescents has become apparent throughout the past five decades (since this article has been published); that those between the ages of 13 and 16 are having their first sexual experiences.
Steve Miller
This article talks about how the history of dating, marriage, and sexual experience has drastically changed over time. It was reported that women were marrying at younger ages in the 1950 than the 1920s and that those who delayed marriage, combined with an earlier age of first sexual experience, has resulted in a 50% increase in the likelihood that a teenage female would have premarital sex between the late 1950s and mid 1980s. As a result, 95% of sexually experienced teenagers in the 1980s were unmarried at first intercourse, compared with less than 60% in the late 1950s. It had also been concluded that a 27 percent increase in sexual experience among adolescents has become apparent throughout the past five decades (since this article has been published); that those between the ages of 13 and 16 are having their first sexual experiences.
Steve Miller
Media Analysis: Cosmopolitan
The bottom line in today’s American society and culture is that sex sells. Cosmopolitan has made it socially acceptable for a woman to talk about sex and read about sex. They have removed the gendered stigma that only men can think about sex often and ultimately have sex often.
What Message has Cosmopolitan given their readers on dating throughout the year of 2009?
Magazine Covers:
2009
January: You & SEX
February: What SEX feels like for guys
March: His biggest SEX secrets
April: SEX that brings you closer
May: SEX he craves
June: best SEX ever
July: 100 SEX questions
August: 125 SEX moves
September: 50 SEX tricks
October: Bad Girl SEX
November: What he thinks during SEX
December: His #1 SEX wish
2008
January: Dirty sexy SEX
February: the most satisfying SEX position
March: Sex tips
April: be a SEX genius
May: SEX Q&A
June: His G spot
July: taboo SEX
August: SEX poll
September: 100 SEX truths
October: How long guys want SEX to last
November: Total body SEX
December: The SEX factor
On every magazine cover for the years 2008 and 2009, the word that is printed the largest, sometimes even larger than the title is SEX. Since cosmopolitan is one of the top selling magazines in America, it proves that readers/ consumers will buy sex. On the cover of every magazine an air-brushed, hyper-sexy woman is revealing almost everything. When comparing Cosmopolitan (a magazine typically consumed by women) to Maxim and or FHM (a magazine typically consumed by men) I observed similar characteristics. All of these magazines only post women on their covers that are wearing low cut shirts, tugging at their jeans or shorts and are posing in ways that enhance their features. The idea that sex has become masculinized in America’s culture is observed with these magazines because not only men are viewing racy, sexy photos of women but women are too. My analysis is that men view these photos in order to fantasize, but what are women viewing these photos for?
In order to get a better understanding of the message Cosmopolitan is sending to women I analyzed 25 articles that all had directions or “how to’s” for women. Most of these articles focused on the bedroom with titles such as Post sex moves he will love, The two hottest things you can say in bed, and How to become a sex goddess. In these articles the author explains and points out certain things that will be sure to make your relationship stronger and your love life better. The idea that women have to enhance their sexuality and be ultra sexy when in a relationship in order to keep their men satisfied is a main idea within Cosmopolitan. Another major topic of this magazine is ways to get noticed by men which are described in articles such as 8 things guys notice about you instantly, Get hit on all the time, and A dating coach gives no BS tips. These articles range from the early stages of dating by explaining how you should sit or stand while at a bar in order to get noticed by a guy, things you should and should not say during a conversation, and things you can do to ensure that he will ask you out again. In my analysis of this section I noticed again that the focus is on women and how they need to act, dress, etc in order to achieve what they want out of a relationship. In my opinion the media emphasizes over and over that women must work overtly hard in order to keep men satisfied in order to get long term commitment from them. An important note is that this is a major shift in the kind of attitudes from about 10 or 20 years ago. In history we have observed men being the pursuers and constantly having to work very hard to impress women.
An interesting article was recently published on Cosmopolitans website entitled Why Men Cheat on Hot Women in response to Tiger Woods affair on his beautiful model wife. Is there ever just one reason why a man cheats though? Does it actually have anything to do with the women they are in a relationship with?
They took a stance that some men are just programmed to cheat. Men in high status or powerful positions are used to being in control and having certain entitlements so sleeping with many beautiful women furthers this idea in their head. In addition, these men are typically in careers that have them away from home for long periods of time and their status attracts a variety of women who offer them sex without any attachment. So what about the men that cheat, but are not in positions of power? Well they have simply been influenced by their fathers to cheat. A more extreme position from this article is that cheating is a mental disorder for sex addicts, and an emotional one for those men who were not loved as children.
written by: Brittney Payne
What Message has Cosmopolitan given their readers on dating throughout the year of 2009?
Magazine Covers:
2009
January: You & SEX
February: What SEX feels like for guys
March: His biggest SEX secrets
April: SEX that brings you closer
May: SEX he craves
June: best SEX ever
July: 100 SEX questions
August: 125 SEX moves
September: 50 SEX tricks
October: Bad Girl SEX
November: What he thinks during SEX
December: His #1 SEX wish
2008
January: Dirty sexy SEX
February: the most satisfying SEX position
March: Sex tips
April: be a SEX genius
May: SEX Q&A
June: His G spot
July: taboo SEX
August: SEX poll
September: 100 SEX truths
October: How long guys want SEX to last
November: Total body SEX
December: The SEX factor
On every magazine cover for the years 2008 and 2009, the word that is printed the largest, sometimes even larger than the title is SEX. Since cosmopolitan is one of the top selling magazines in America, it proves that readers/ consumers will buy sex. On the cover of every magazine an air-brushed, hyper-sexy woman is revealing almost everything. When comparing Cosmopolitan (a magazine typically consumed by women) to Maxim and or FHM (a magazine typically consumed by men) I observed similar characteristics. All of these magazines only post women on their covers that are wearing low cut shirts, tugging at their jeans or shorts and are posing in ways that enhance their features. The idea that sex has become masculinized in America’s culture is observed with these magazines because not only men are viewing racy, sexy photos of women but women are too. My analysis is that men view these photos in order to fantasize, but what are women viewing these photos for?
In order to get a better understanding of the message Cosmopolitan is sending to women I analyzed 25 articles that all had directions or “how to’s” for women. Most of these articles focused on the bedroom with titles such as Post sex moves he will love, The two hottest things you can say in bed, and How to become a sex goddess. In these articles the author explains and points out certain things that will be sure to make your relationship stronger and your love life better. The idea that women have to enhance their sexuality and be ultra sexy when in a relationship in order to keep their men satisfied is a main idea within Cosmopolitan. Another major topic of this magazine is ways to get noticed by men which are described in articles such as 8 things guys notice about you instantly, Get hit on all the time, and A dating coach gives no BS tips. These articles range from the early stages of dating by explaining how you should sit or stand while at a bar in order to get noticed by a guy, things you should and should not say during a conversation, and things you can do to ensure that he will ask you out again. In my analysis of this section I noticed again that the focus is on women and how they need to act, dress, etc in order to achieve what they want out of a relationship. In my opinion the media emphasizes over and over that women must work overtly hard in order to keep men satisfied in order to get long term commitment from them. An important note is that this is a major shift in the kind of attitudes from about 10 or 20 years ago. In history we have observed men being the pursuers and constantly having to work very hard to impress women.
An interesting article was recently published on Cosmopolitans website entitled Why Men Cheat on Hot Women in response to Tiger Woods affair on his beautiful model wife. Is there ever just one reason why a man cheats though? Does it actually have anything to do with the women they are in a relationship with?
They took a stance that some men are just programmed to cheat. Men in high status or powerful positions are used to being in control and having certain entitlements so sleeping with many beautiful women furthers this idea in their head. In addition, these men are typically in careers that have them away from home for long periods of time and their status attracts a variety of women who offer them sex without any attachment. So what about the men that cheat, but are not in positions of power? Well they have simply been influenced by their fathers to cheat. A more extreme position from this article is that cheating is a mental disorder for sex addicts, and an emotional one for those men who were not loved as children.
written by: Brittney Payne
The Evolution of Human Physical Attractiveness
Department of Psychology, University of New Mexico, Albuquerque, New Mexico
The Evolution of Human Physical Attractiveness.
Steven W. Gangestad and Glenn J. Scheyd.
In Steven W. Gangestead and Glenn J. Scheyd article, The Evolution of Human Physical Attractiveness, they hypotheses, Can human standards of physical attractiveness be understood through the lens of evolutionary biology? The main focus includes the basic adaptation approach, which indicates selection pressures that have forged through evolutions past (pg525) Evolutionary models of signaling, states those non verbal signals will indicate attraction of the opposite sex; mating choice is a direct result. They argue that preferences are shaped by selection depending on conditions and geographic locations. (pg540) Across culture and time; physical activeness varies but seems to veer back to a median point. In present day we have made in attempt to fit the ‘evolutionary standard’ that we innately follow.
written by Mariana Gost
The Evolution of Human Physical Attractiveness.
Steven W. Gangestad and Glenn J. Scheyd.
In Steven W. Gangestead and Glenn J. Scheyd article, The Evolution of Human Physical Attractiveness, they hypotheses, Can human standards of physical attractiveness be understood through the lens of evolutionary biology? The main focus includes the basic adaptation approach, which indicates selection pressures that have forged through evolutions past (pg525) Evolutionary models of signaling, states those non verbal signals will indicate attraction of the opposite sex; mating choice is a direct result. They argue that preferences are shaped by selection depending on conditions and geographic locations. (pg540) Across culture and time; physical activeness varies but seems to veer back to a median point. In present day we have made in attempt to fit the ‘evolutionary standard’ that we innately follow.
written by Mariana Gost
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Dating Rules for Women
Dating Rules for WomenThe Do's and Dont's of dating for the modern female
Guys: If you don't like this, look away now.
In another dating article on this site, you will find a general set of rules than men should follow when dating. In the same way, women have some general rules that they should contend with when entering the dating jungle. Now I know everyone is different, so don't take things too seriously here. There has been some controversy over some literature published in the USA that lays out in detail the rules a woman should follow to get her guy (or gal). Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider's 1995 bestseller "The Rules," explains how women should play hard if they want to get their guy. I can understand why some groups would be hostile about this, but the fact is that when we grow up, there are a predefined set of dating rules. What happens is that we forget most of them after the age of 21, and then realize we need to relearn them.
I wish there weren't any general rules, but courtship is a ritual. There are things that we make happen that excite, stimulate, create interest and confound. Dating is a long test of compatibility. Are we perfectly matched? If we just threw ourselves together, then the chances of long term happiness might be compromised. And yet previous generations managed to succeed on a far less complex courtship criteria list. Many arranged marriages work all too interestingly.
In every society there are a predefined set of social rules we follow, from the way and timing of eating to the way we behave in public. The issue here is that when women date, there are some things that can help them be more successful. If we accept that dating is a game, then there are rules to that game. There are winners and losers. If you know the rules in advance, it gives you a head start. If men know the rules by which you are playing, you may change the rules to suit the situation to keep the man guessing. Men love a challenge, so feel free to adapt rules and add them as you feel inclined.
You can separate rules out into two parts, dating and online dating. Both areas have distinct rules that a woman should follow for dating success.
General Dating Rules
Always look great, whatever your income. Gorgeous hair and some lipstick with rags will still turn his head. You have the advantage. You are the woman. Look your best as you could meet a potential Mr. Right anywhere at any time.
Never reveal information you don't have to. An enigmatic woman drives men wild.
Keep dates brief, but your men interested. Less is always more.
Try and stay in shape and involve some fitness regime at a gym. However much you hate it, your Mr. Right loves your body as much as your mind.
Let your man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab.
Ensure you receive flowers. If he doesn't know what a florist is, dump him.
Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything.
Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady's perogative.
Never be available when he wants you to be. Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying.
If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday.
Weekend shopping trips with girlfriends are sacred and not available for dates.
Keep your man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly.
Ensure you are a good kisser. Men will walk away if you cannot kiss. Practice on a mirror if you have to.
Never ever talk about previous boyfriends, particularly their prowess in the bedroom. Your ex-boyfriends are your business only.
Never assume anything about your date until you choose to know him better. You cannot always tell by looking.
If any man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity, run like the wind. Life is too short for boys.
If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace, dump him.
Never talk too much about your father and how your date measures up in comparison.
Never ever come across as too available or too desperate. He will run a mile. He is the one doing the chasing.
If the guy in the corner is gorgeous, go get him and create the need in him for you. Never wait for men to come to you because you may watch him leave with someone else.
You may well have all the bodily functions of a man, just try not to demonstrate them early on.
If you want a child, don't mention it on the first few dates.
Never ever criticize his mother unless you want to remain single.
Online Dating Rules
Always let them come to you, don't chase them via email.
Block anyone who annoys you instantly.
Post the best and most vampish photo you can find.
Don't reply to instant messages with clever opening lines.
Remain aloof and let yourself be chased.
Always reply to emails at least 3 days after receipt.
Never provide your real email or phone details.
Always date safely and protect yourself at every turn.
Make sure your login name is stunning and sexy, as well as enigmatic.
Do not login for hours on end. Short, rapid visits are best.
Do not assume the person you are talking to is destitute or sad.
Never ever reply to emails on weekends. Wait until a weekday.
Never state how good your sexual performance is in your profile.
If you don't want to date married men, spell it out in your profile.
A man who doesn't reply to your email within 3 days should be ignored.
Make sure your humor levels come across in text.
Do not chat to hundreds of men at once. The delay in replying is a dead giveaway and your Mr. Right will be off.
Don't even think about misrepresenting your size or description. They will find out.
Come across as cool and sophisticated for best results
Ladies, always remember that you are a sexy, desirable woman and the world is your oyster. Always let men do the chasing and always allow yourself to be the chooser. Always stay safe and never risk yourself for the sake of attending a date. Always use a safe dating Website.
http://www.topdatingtips.com/dating-rules-for-women.htm
Guys: If you don't like this, look away now.
In another dating article on this site, you will find a general set of rules than men should follow when dating. In the same way, women have some general rules that they should contend with when entering the dating jungle. Now I know everyone is different, so don't take things too seriously here. There has been some controversy over some literature published in the USA that lays out in detail the rules a woman should follow to get her guy (or gal). Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider's 1995 bestseller "The Rules," explains how women should play hard if they want to get their guy. I can understand why some groups would be hostile about this, but the fact is that when we grow up, there are a predefined set of dating rules. What happens is that we forget most of them after the age of 21, and then realize we need to relearn them.
I wish there weren't any general rules, but courtship is a ritual. There are things that we make happen that excite, stimulate, create interest and confound. Dating is a long test of compatibility. Are we perfectly matched? If we just threw ourselves together, then the chances of long term happiness might be compromised. And yet previous generations managed to succeed on a far less complex courtship criteria list. Many arranged marriages work all too interestingly.
In every society there are a predefined set of social rules we follow, from the way and timing of eating to the way we behave in public. The issue here is that when women date, there are some things that can help them be more successful. If we accept that dating is a game, then there are rules to that game. There are winners and losers. If you know the rules in advance, it gives you a head start. If men know the rules by which you are playing, you may change the rules to suit the situation to keep the man guessing. Men love a challenge, so feel free to adapt rules and add them as you feel inclined.
You can separate rules out into two parts, dating and online dating. Both areas have distinct rules that a woman should follow for dating success.
General Dating Rules
Always look great, whatever your income. Gorgeous hair and some lipstick with rags will still turn his head. You have the advantage. You are the woman. Look your best as you could meet a potential Mr. Right anywhere at any time.
Never reveal information you don't have to. An enigmatic woman drives men wild.
Keep dates brief, but your men interested. Less is always more.
Try and stay in shape and involve some fitness regime at a gym. However much you hate it, your Mr. Right loves your body as much as your mind.
Let your man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab.
Ensure you receive flowers. If he doesn't know what a florist is, dump him.
Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything.
Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady's perogative.
Never be available when he wants you to be. Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying.
If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday.
Weekend shopping trips with girlfriends are sacred and not available for dates.
Keep your man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly.
Ensure you are a good kisser. Men will walk away if you cannot kiss. Practice on a mirror if you have to.
Never ever talk about previous boyfriends, particularly their prowess in the bedroom. Your ex-boyfriends are your business only.
Never assume anything about your date until you choose to know him better. You cannot always tell by looking.
If any man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity, run like the wind. Life is too short for boys.
If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace, dump him.
Never talk too much about your father and how your date measures up in comparison.
Never ever come across as too available or too desperate. He will run a mile. He is the one doing the chasing.
If the guy in the corner is gorgeous, go get him and create the need in him for you. Never wait for men to come to you because you may watch him leave with someone else.
You may well have all the bodily functions of a man, just try not to demonstrate them early on.
If you want a child, don't mention it on the first few dates.
Never ever criticize his mother unless you want to remain single.
Online Dating Rules
Always let them come to you, don't chase them via email.
Block anyone who annoys you instantly.
Post the best and most vampish photo you can find.
Don't reply to instant messages with clever opening lines.
Remain aloof and let yourself be chased.
Always reply to emails at least 3 days after receipt.
Never provide your real email or phone details.
Always date safely and protect yourself at every turn.
Make sure your login name is stunning and sexy, as well as enigmatic.
Do not login for hours on end. Short, rapid visits are best.
Do not assume the person you are talking to is destitute or sad.
Never ever reply to emails on weekends. Wait until a weekday.
Never state how good your sexual performance is in your profile.
If you don't want to date married men, spell it out in your profile.
A man who doesn't reply to your email within 3 days should be ignored.
Make sure your humor levels come across in text.
Do not chat to hundreds of men at once. The delay in replying is a dead giveaway and your Mr. Right will be off.
Don't even think about misrepresenting your size or description. They will find out.
Come across as cool and sophisticated for best results
Ladies, always remember that you are a sexy, desirable woman and the world is your oyster. Always let men do the chasing and always allow yourself to be the chooser. Always stay safe and never risk yourself for the sake of attending a date. Always use a safe dating Website.
http://www.topdatingtips.com/dating-rules-for-women.htm
Love and Courthship
The Historical Journal, 50 I (2007), pp. 173-196 Cambridge University Press Printed in the United Kingdom.
Love and Courtship in Mid-Twentieth-Century England
Claire Langhamer
University of Sussex
In Claire Langhamers article, Love and courtship in Mid-Twentieth Century England. In the life cycles of the majority of heterosexual people in the 20th century, a formative stage for emotional attachments exists. The author compared data findings from England’s Mass-Observation of 1937 to the most recent Mass- observation in 1981. Langhamer states that love and courtship have changed within twentieth century England. Courtship in the 1930 was seen as a rite of passage where now once you become a teenager you have the opportunity to have many casual relationships with the opposite sex. Her arguments suggest that women and their roles have changed as so has their outlook on courtship and the process of marriage. Modern women now are more independent and do not have to rely on a man to support them. She further argues that this is a prelude to the gendered male and female roles of today. Women especially are still expected to have traditional roles such as being a house wife and the male as the bread winner. In summary she states that courtship has its own life cycle and this warrants it to be examined due to changing roles of women in society.
Written By Mariana Gost
Love and Courtship in Mid-Twentieth-Century England
Claire Langhamer
University of Sussex
In Claire Langhamers article, Love and courtship in Mid-Twentieth Century England. In the life cycles of the majority of heterosexual people in the 20th century, a formative stage for emotional attachments exists. The author compared data findings from England’s Mass-Observation of 1937 to the most recent Mass- observation in 1981. Langhamer states that love and courtship have changed within twentieth century England. Courtship in the 1930 was seen as a rite of passage where now once you become a teenager you have the opportunity to have many casual relationships with the opposite sex. Her arguments suggest that women and their roles have changed as so has their outlook on courtship and the process of marriage. Modern women now are more independent and do not have to rely on a man to support them. She further argues that this is a prelude to the gendered male and female roles of today. Women especially are still expected to have traditional roles such as being a house wife and the male as the bread winner. In summary she states that courtship has its own life cycle and this warrants it to be examined due to changing roles of women in society.
Written By Mariana Gost
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Have you been advertising yourself to get a date?
Bolig, R. Stein, P. Mckenry, P. 1984. The Self-Advertisement Approach to Dating: Male-Female Differences. Family Relations. Vol. 33, No. 4, pp. 587-592.
The use of self-advertisement for dates and mates in personals, or companion advertisements is not a new phenomenon. However, it is now more widely accepted among singles. Although some scientists might see it as a way to escape loneliness in desperation, singles look at it as finding someone in a healthy manner. Upfront, you are telling them who you are and what you need as to see if the mate is compatible with you. A study showed that men who placed profiles in magazines were not looking for women who placed their profiles (nor were the women looking for men) in personal advertisements. Self- Advertisements provide one opportunity for individuals to be their own public relations person- to emphasize characteristics and accomplishments they are most pleased about. Today we have self- advertisements and video dating, tomorrow we may be able to interact and date through home computers.
Cheyenne Inglis
The use of self-advertisement for dates and mates in personals, or companion advertisements is not a new phenomenon. However, it is now more widely accepted among singles. Although some scientists might see it as a way to escape loneliness in desperation, singles look at it as finding someone in a healthy manner. Upfront, you are telling them who you are and what you need as to see if the mate is compatible with you. A study showed that men who placed profiles in magazines were not looking for women who placed their profiles (nor were the women looking for men) in personal advertisements. Self- Advertisements provide one opportunity for individuals to be their own public relations person- to emphasize characteristics and accomplishments they are most pleased about. Today we have self- advertisements and video dating, tomorrow we may be able to interact and date through home computers.
Cheyenne Inglis
Do you have preferences when choosing a mate?
Buss, D. 2001. A Half of Century of Mate Preferences: The Cultural Evolution of Values. Journal of Marriage and Family. Vol. 63, No. 2, pp. 491-503.
This article examines and argues that humans have preferences and search for specific traits when choosing a mate. Several changes in values were documented over a 57-year time span (1939- 1996) to prove the dominant traits and values people want their mates to possess. Both sexes said early on and throughout this time period that physical attractiveness is at the utmost importance. Both sexes, but an increased amount of men, shared that a mate with good financial prospects is important. Recently, men have had a decreased need of domestic skills in a partner, much less than in earlier time spans. Lastly, love and attraction also ranked high in importance throughout the entire time span. All in all when choosing a mate, people have preferences, and look for specific values when selecting a mate.
Cheyenne Inglis
This article examines and argues that humans have preferences and search for specific traits when choosing a mate. Several changes in values were documented over a 57-year time span (1939- 1996) to prove the dominant traits and values people want their mates to possess. Both sexes said early on and throughout this time period that physical attractiveness is at the utmost importance. Both sexes, but an increased amount of men, shared that a mate with good financial prospects is important. Recently, men have had a decreased need of domestic skills in a partner, much less than in earlier time spans. Lastly, love and attraction also ranked high in importance throughout the entire time span. All in all when choosing a mate, people have preferences, and look for specific values when selecting a mate.
Cheyenne Inglis
Does Evolution play a role in Finding a Mate?
Arquist, S. 2009. Testing Evolutions Role in Finding a Mate. New York Times. pg. D.6.
Scientists have long observed that women are usually pickier than men. This is because women have a bigger investment in the role of reproduction; they are the ones enduring pregnancy. An experiment looked at speed-dating sessions to determine whether men or women were choosier. The answer, it turned out, was neither. Regardless of gender, people who were instructed to approach other daters were less selective -- that is, they were more likely to ask to meet later for a date. In recent years, the emergence of speed dating has given psychologists and scientists new ways to test evolution and other hypotheses about mating. Because participants can be randomly assigned to groups and have no prior information about other participants, three-minute speed-dating sessions are about as close to a controlled experiment as researchers are likely to get. All in all, the research found that evolution did not play a huge role, but rather finding a mate like oneself was more prominent.
Cheyenne Inglis
Scientists have long observed that women are usually pickier than men. This is because women have a bigger investment in the role of reproduction; they are the ones enduring pregnancy. An experiment looked at speed-dating sessions to determine whether men or women were choosier. The answer, it turned out, was neither. Regardless of gender, people who were instructed to approach other daters were less selective -- that is, they were more likely to ask to meet later for a date. In recent years, the emergence of speed dating has given psychologists and scientists new ways to test evolution and other hypotheses about mating. Because participants can be randomly assigned to groups and have no prior information about other participants, three-minute speed-dating sessions are about as close to a controlled experiment as researchers are likely to get. All in all, the research found that evolution did not play a huge role, but rather finding a mate like oneself was more prominent.
Cheyenne Inglis
Automated Go-Betweens: Mate Selection of Tomorrow?
Jedlicka, D. 1981. Automated Go-Betweens: Mate Selection of Tomorrow? Family Relations. Vol. 30, No. 3, pp. 373-376
This article analyzes the impact of modern technology on the formations of intimate relations throughout history. Jedlicka argues that computers can introduce a humanizing influence in the selection of mates by minimizing the importance of superficial traits and maximizing the importance of allowing the expression of personality traits and sexual behavior. Computers have had a huge impact on dating because of the feeling people get from not having face-to-face contact. They feel more secure and comfortable. Innovative computer systems are now solving communication problems in all areas. This does not mean it should be a substitute for face-to-face contact. When face-to-face contact is preferred or necessary, the computer should maximize the likelihood of that occurring among the most compatible persons.
Cheyenne Inglis
This article analyzes the impact of modern technology on the formations of intimate relations throughout history. Jedlicka argues that computers can introduce a humanizing influence in the selection of mates by minimizing the importance of superficial traits and maximizing the importance of allowing the expression of personality traits and sexual behavior. Computers have had a huge impact on dating because of the feeling people get from not having face-to-face contact. They feel more secure and comfortable. Innovative computer systems are now solving communication problems in all areas. This does not mean it should be a substitute for face-to-face contact. When face-to-face contact is preferred or necessary, the computer should maximize the likelihood of that occurring among the most compatible persons.
Cheyenne Inglis
How did dating change in the 1950's?
Bailey, B. 1990. The making of the American dream: Rebels without a cause? History Today [0018-2753] vol:40 pg:25 -31
After America had won both World War I and World War II, the American citizens had a new found confidence and assertiveness that they were the strongest and most powerful nation. With this, the youth of the 1950’s demonstrated the first major change in dating rituals when they began to have competitive attitudes toward how many dates they could have. This frightened and outraged the adults of this time because they saw that competitive dating and these methods of courtship had become more popular than bop, progressive jazz and hot rods. They believed these new methods of dating would lead to the downfall of American society because it lacked the hard work that had created America as they saw it. This era brought upon the materialization and standards we still see today where men need to be popular by having automobiles, nice clothes and rights to passage, and women need to associate themselves with many of these men.
written by: Brittney Payne
After America had won both World War I and World War II, the American citizens had a new found confidence and assertiveness that they were the strongest and most powerful nation. With this, the youth of the 1950’s demonstrated the first major change in dating rituals when they began to have competitive attitudes toward how many dates they could have. This frightened and outraged the adults of this time because they saw that competitive dating and these methods of courtship had become more popular than bop, progressive jazz and hot rods. They believed these new methods of dating would lead to the downfall of American society because it lacked the hard work that had created America as they saw it. This era brought upon the materialization and standards we still see today where men need to be popular by having automobiles, nice clothes and rights to passage, and women need to associate themselves with many of these men.
written by: Brittney Payne
What do teenagers expect to gain from hooking up?
Manning, W. , Giordano, P. , & Longmore, M. (2006). Hooking up: The relationship contexts of "nonrelationship" sex. Journal of Adolescent Research, 21(5), 459-483.
This article analyzes the concept of hooking up (engaging in sexual activities with partners whom they are not dating) which more than half of sexually active teenagers are engaging in. When comparing teenagers in grades 11, 9, and 7 of those that had engaged in sexual intercourse teenage boys engaged in sexual relations with a partner whom they were not dating more often than girls (68%), but girls closely follow (52%). The researchers refute a common idea that the sex outside of relationships occurs between people who do not know each other. They actually found that 74% of teenagers engaging in these relations report having sex with a friend. They also found that most teens had sex with partners of the same age. A third of those engaging in non dating sexual relations said these relations made them feel closer to their partner and a third also indicated that they wanted to begin a traditional relationship with their sexual partner.
written by: Brittney Payne
This article analyzes the concept of hooking up (engaging in sexual activities with partners whom they are not dating) which more than half of sexually active teenagers are engaging in. When comparing teenagers in grades 11, 9, and 7 of those that had engaged in sexual intercourse teenage boys engaged in sexual relations with a partner whom they were not dating more often than girls (68%), but girls closely follow (52%). The researchers refute a common idea that the sex outside of relationships occurs between people who do not know each other. They actually found that 74% of teenagers engaging in these relations report having sex with a friend. They also found that most teens had sex with partners of the same age. A third of those engaging in non dating sexual relations said these relations made them feel closer to their partner and a third also indicated that they wanted to begin a traditional relationship with their sexual partner.
written by: Brittney Payne
Does how people date effect their alcohol consumption and sexual expectancies?
Pedersen, E. 2009. Gender and Dating Relationship Status Moderate the Association Between Alcohol Use and Sex-related Alcohol Expectancies. Addictive Behaviors. Vol. 34 Issue 9, p786-789 4p 03064603
This article examined alcohol usage by young adults who were actively dating, in serious relationships, or not actively dating and their sexual expectancies based on alcohol usage. They found that when young adults are actively dating they consume more alcohol than those who are in steady relationships or not actively dating. Single (dating) participants of this survey had higher sexual expectancies ((1) I would be a better lover, (2) I would enjoy sex more, (3) I would feel sexier, and (4) It would be easier to act out my fantasies) than those who were relationships or not dating. Men and women had similar sexual expectancies with alcohol whether they were dating or not.
written by: Brittny Payne
This article examined alcohol usage by young adults who were actively dating, in serious relationships, or not actively dating and their sexual expectancies based on alcohol usage. They found that when young adults are actively dating they consume more alcohol than those who are in steady relationships or not actively dating. Single (dating) participants of this survey had higher sexual expectancies ((1) I would be a better lover, (2) I would enjoy sex more, (3) I would feel sexier, and (4) It would be easier to act out my fantasies) than those who were relationships or not dating. Men and women had similar sexual expectancies with alcohol whether they were dating or not.
written by: Brittny Payne
Do women choose men based on attraction or stability?
Vigil, J. 2006. Trade offs in low income women’s mate preferences. Human Nature. Vol. 7 (319-336)
This article assesses differences within the female sex based on mate selection and sexual relationships. When seeking a long term relationship, women prefer attractive, monogamous, financially stable partners that will devote a lot of attention to them and their children, but they will trade off the attractive aspect if need be. Women who are seeking a mate for a short term relationship put a lot of emphasis on only the attractiveness of their mate. Women also differ when it comes to sexual relationships. Women who seek sexual enhancement or pleasure typically engage in nonexclusive and frequent sexual relationships, where as women seeking intimacy engage in long term, exclusive relationships.
written by: Brittney Payne
This article assesses differences within the female sex based on mate selection and sexual relationships. When seeking a long term relationship, women prefer attractive, monogamous, financially stable partners that will devote a lot of attention to them and their children, but they will trade off the attractive aspect if need be. Women who are seeking a mate for a short term relationship put a lot of emphasis on only the attractiveness of their mate. Women also differ when it comes to sexual relationships. Women who seek sexual enhancement or pleasure typically engage in nonexclusive and frequent sexual relationships, where as women seeking intimacy engage in long term, exclusive relationships.
written by: Brittney Payne
Hooking up and forming romantic relationships on Today’s College Campuses
Paula England, Emily Fitzgibbons Shafer, and Alison C. K. Fogarty
Hooking up and forming romantic relationships on Today’s College Campuses.
In England, Shafer’s and Fogarty’s article, Hooking Up and Forming Romantic Relationships On Today’s College Campuses a “hook up” is ambiguous in definition, but generally is referred to as a situation where two people meet up and end up having a sexual encounter. (pg 532). They state that hook ups are gendered in three ways, Initiations, The Orgasm Gap and The Sexual Double Standard. An initiation is when the man will make attempts to initiate sexual activities towards a woman. (pg 535) The Orgasm Gap refers to men reporting having more orgasms during a hook up than females. (pg 535) The Sexual double standard stigmatizes to both men and women. Women who have too many sexual partners are labeled as a ‘slut’ and men being referred to as ‘man whores’. (pg 538) Although our society has had it ‘sexual revolution’ there is still a gendered system that has been left relativity untouched. (pg 544)
written by Mariana Gost
Hooking up and forming romantic relationships on Today’s College Campuses.
In England, Shafer’s and Fogarty’s article, Hooking Up and Forming Romantic Relationships On Today’s College Campuses a “hook up” is ambiguous in definition, but generally is referred to as a situation where two people meet up and end up having a sexual encounter. (pg 532). They state that hook ups are gendered in three ways, Initiations, The Orgasm Gap and The Sexual Double Standard. An initiation is when the man will make attempts to initiate sexual activities towards a woman. (pg 535) The Orgasm Gap refers to men reporting having more orgasms during a hook up than females. (pg 535) The Sexual double standard stigmatizes to both men and women. Women who have too many sexual partners are labeled as a ‘slut’ and men being referred to as ‘man whores’. (pg 538) Although our society has had it ‘sexual revolution’ there is still a gendered system that has been left relativity untouched. (pg 544)
written by Mariana Gost
Perceived Sex Knowledge, Exposure to Eroticism, and Premarital Sexual Behavior: the impact of Dating*
The Sociological Quarterly 17 (spring 1976): 247-261
Perceived Sex Knowledge, Exposure to Eroticism, and Premarital Sexual Behavior: the impact of Dating*
Graham B. Spanier, The Pennsylvania State University.
In Spanier article Perceived Sex Knowledge, Exposure to Eroticism, and Premarital Sexual Behavior: the impact of Dating. His thesis states that a positive relationship exists between perceived sex knowledge, exposure to eroticism, dating experiences and premarital sexual behavior (pg247). There are three hypotheses that he bases his cross sectional research on. Hypothesis one states, the more knowledge about sexual behavior and individual reports having before and during high school, the more premarital heterosexual involvement the individual will report having. (pg249) Hypothesis two states, The greater a person’s exposure to erotic material, the greater the premarital heterosexual involvement the individual will report having. Hypothesis three states that the greater the dating frequency an individual reports during high school and college, the more premarital heterosexual involvement the individual will report having. (pg250). Based on Spainers research he summarizes that the more exposure one has to a number of contributing factors increases their sexual behavior
written by Mariana Gost
Perceived Sex Knowledge, Exposure to Eroticism, and Premarital Sexual Behavior: the impact of Dating*
Graham B. Spanier, The Pennsylvania State University.
In Spanier article Perceived Sex Knowledge, Exposure to Eroticism, and Premarital Sexual Behavior: the impact of Dating. His thesis states that a positive relationship exists between perceived sex knowledge, exposure to eroticism, dating experiences and premarital sexual behavior (pg247). There are three hypotheses that he bases his cross sectional research on. Hypothesis one states, the more knowledge about sexual behavior and individual reports having before and during high school, the more premarital heterosexual involvement the individual will report having. (pg249) Hypothesis two states, The greater a person’s exposure to erotic material, the greater the premarital heterosexual involvement the individual will report having. Hypothesis three states that the greater the dating frequency an individual reports during high school and college, the more premarital heterosexual involvement the individual will report having. (pg250). Based on Spainers research he summarizes that the more exposure one has to a number of contributing factors increases their sexual behavior
written by Mariana Gost
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Interview #3 By Cheyenne Inglis
Interview #3
Preliminary Questions:
-Male/ Female
-Ethnicity: Italian
-Age:25
-Sexuality: Gay/ Bisexual/ Straight/ Transgendered/ Intersex
Approaching a possible date:
Thanks for doing the interview! So lets get started, when approaching a possible date, when you are interested in someone, will you approach them first?
No I wont because I have a lot of pride in myself and I don't want them to refuse me. I will feel bad about myself and I will be afraid to talk to someone who is interested or not interested in me. I am shy depending on the person who comes and talks to me. I am more shy around girls than guys because I am worried what they think about me. I feel uncomfortable
So,What physical qualities attract you to a person?
The first thing a guy sees is the face, it needs to be smart-looking and look nice not evil. I don’t like too much makeup either, I like the natural look, makeup is bad thing. She cannot have a double chin or I will be turned off. The hair has to be also nice, I like it when its shiny and soft. Not too much work, just as natural as possible. Next I will notice if the woman is overweight, then I look at her breasts to make sure they are round and perky. I also look at legs, how a girl walks. I don’t like when women walks goofy. How a woman moves is important. I like when a woman walks elegantly. If i go to a bar with a girl, I don’t like a girl to just eat olives out of a glass, but be classy and drink a martini. A good butt is also important!
What would turn you off from person?
Oh damn, a lot! If I see too much hair on their arms or on their face then I do not like that! Also, a woman with a small bottom portion and bigger top portion is such a turn off to me. I don't like when a girl is talking and has dry saliva in the corners of her mouth! It’s a turn off. It makes me think "I will never kiss her", and if I can’t kiss her, then I cant be with her, it’s just gross. Umm…when a girl walks on the street without shoes and her feet are black. I’ve seen it in downtown San Diego like when a girl cant wear her heels anymore, so she walks barefoot where the cockroaches are. It’s like if you do that you don’t have a sense of cleanliness and it makes me think that the girl is dirty which is what I’m not looking for. I also don’t like if a girl smells bad or like B.O., it makes me want to say “get the hell out of here.” Also, when a girl makes her hair all different colors, I don’t like the punk look. I don’t like manly looking girls, like some Italian girls look so masculine and it turns me off. Last one that turns me off is when a girl has long, long nails, like u cant even type on a computer, that looks stupid.
That’s a lot, but at least you have standards! After being turned down, will you approach the same person again?
Oh no, that is crazy. I will talk “shit” about her because she hurt my feelings, but usually nobody turns me down because I always study the kind of person and never put myself in the position that a girl turns me down. I will study and think of the first thing to say. If I see somebody happy, then I like to think we would make a comfortable conversation. It’s not what you say but how you say it.
Do you use pick up lines to initiate a conversation?
No, because then a girl will think “you don’t know me, how can you even say that?” So I will never say something like that.
After meeting someone and exchanging numbers do you wait a certain amount of time to call them?
Actually, when I take someone’s number, sometimes I will forget the face of the number (haha). If I really like someone I will wait until she calls me first. I need to be sure that she is really interested in me first before I start calling her. After she texts or calls me I will call her once in awhile to make her feel that she wants desires me.
Will you date someone older or younger than you?
It doesn’t matter the age because you can find old women who are immature and younger women who are mature. It doesn’t matter the age, just the feeling. But, I cannot be with an older women by 20 years because when your in your 20s, you are still growing and building you life, when your 40 you there.
If yes, How many years?
Younger by maximum of 5 and older by 5 years as well.
Early on dating:
So who do you expect to pay on the first few dates?
Actually I like it when a girl will be a friend and wonder how much I spend. I am not married with a girl so I don’t want to pay all the time. It’s important to have an equal relationship. It costs someone to make money, and if I was a girl seeing a guy making 10 or 12 an hour, I wouldn’t feel good about it. I don’t like a girl to try to take me away from my work, although. If the girl is broke, I will pay for her but I still think that women and men have the same rights so they should both pay for their own stuff. If I really like a girl, it has nothing to do with pay, economical things are one thing, a girl I like is something else.
Describe your ideal first date:
For me, something nice would be going to Coronado Island (in San Diego) and walking where the view of San Diego is at night. Usually, on the first date I am afraid to show too much to a girl. I could rent a Ferrari or go to the best restaurant in San Diego, but then her view of me is wrong. I like something simple something where we can get to know each other, like a walk or an appetizer in a nice bar, or having a sandwich in a nice place. On first date, I am not confident. I can tell a girl “ hey, lets go on a jet ski” but she might be afraid.
Interesting! How long do you wait to have sex with someone that you are dating?
If I like a girl so much, it’s really not about waiting, it’s about how it comes. If it comes up early, it’s okay, if it comes on later, its okay. It depends on the girl. A woman is delicate and sometimes needs space in the beginning. A girl is like an engine you have to know it. If we have sex right away, then I think “it happens.” It’s the same to me whether it 2 days or 2 weeks, but 2 years, no way. If we wait too long, girls will just want to be your friend.
How long do you date someone until you make the relationship official?
Again, It depends on the girl. If I see the girl I’m still dating and she’s still talking to her ex, it takes longer, when a girl shows me that she really wants me and cares. If she asks me too soon to be my girlfriend, then I know she doesn’t know me, and it takes time to know someone. Honestly I am afraid of relationships so I always wait for the other person first. I am afraid of things ending bad because I have had bad experiences. I don’t know why every girl that gets with me really likes me a lot and doesn’t want to lose me, some girls lose pride and maybe she never had pride. It gets to the point where that makes me like someone less and less, a girl has to be herself.
Will you date more than one person at the same time?
No because I would lose both of them and because I don’t give myself to a lot of people at one time, this will mean that one of the girls, or both, I am wasting time on, and I do not like to waste time. I have many things to do, many things to take care of.
Would you date outside of your race?
Yes! It doesn’t matter where your from, we are humans, white, black, Asian, Latinos and Indians. I prefer the white race although, because I am white, I mean white-French, white- American, white- Scandinavian. If I go to England and see a black girl, it is hard for me because I am not attracted.
Serious Relationships:
Have you cheated on someone?
No, never. Like I said before, if I am with a girl, I am not a “whore.” I don’t give myself out to everyone, only to someone who deserves it. I am honest with everything in my life, whether it be work, or a relationship. If I don’t like someone, I will break up with them and just be honest rather than cheating on them.
How long do you wait until you take your relationship to the next level: Engaged/ Marriage?
It depends on the fights. If I have a lot of fights with my girlfriend, like breaking up and making up, it is not good for me. There’s a time between being boyfriend and girlfriend to getting engaged and in that time , if you have no problems, or are in a great relationship, I feel comfortable. When I’m comfortable, then I know I will want to marry this girl. If my family likes her, then I want to marry her. There’s no specific time, its related to how good the relationship is, if its good, then I’m great.
Will you live with someone while dating them?
If it’s an emergency and my girl needs help, then of course I would let her come in with me, but usually not while were dating because that is too fast. I have never lived with someone unless it was an emergency, bottom line. When I feel that I can do whatever I want while I’m with my girl and she understands me all the time, then I would move in. I have to feel comfortable, there has to be trust.
Do you say ‘I love you’ first or wait for your partner to say it?
In the U.S., you say I love you to everyone, it’s not like a strong meaning anymore. In Spanish there is “te quiero” like “I like you” and “te amo” like “I deeply love you.” So if I feel like I really love someone then I tell them “I really care about you, you are my heart, you are part of me.”
Do you believe in love at first sight?
No, because that is not possible. Maybe when your drunk (haha). You don’t know who they are how would you know? You have to get to know someone before feeling’s develop.
Thank you so much for doing this interview, it was very insightful!
Your welcome, anytime!
Preliminary Questions:
-Male/ Female
-Ethnicity: Italian
-Age:25
-Sexuality: Gay/ Bisexual/ Straight/ Transgendered/ Intersex
Approaching a possible date:
Thanks for doing the interview! So lets get started, when approaching a possible date, when you are interested in someone, will you approach them first?
No I wont because I have a lot of pride in myself and I don't want them to refuse me. I will feel bad about myself and I will be afraid to talk to someone who is interested or not interested in me. I am shy depending on the person who comes and talks to me. I am more shy around girls than guys because I am worried what they think about me. I feel uncomfortable
So,What physical qualities attract you to a person?
The first thing a guy sees is the face, it needs to be smart-looking and look nice not evil. I don’t like too much makeup either, I like the natural look, makeup is bad thing. She cannot have a double chin or I will be turned off. The hair has to be also nice, I like it when its shiny and soft. Not too much work, just as natural as possible. Next I will notice if the woman is overweight, then I look at her breasts to make sure they are round and perky. I also look at legs, how a girl walks. I don’t like when women walks goofy. How a woman moves is important. I like when a woman walks elegantly. If i go to a bar with a girl, I don’t like a girl to just eat olives out of a glass, but be classy and drink a martini. A good butt is also important!
What would turn you off from person?
Oh damn, a lot! If I see too much hair on their arms or on their face then I do not like that! Also, a woman with a small bottom portion and bigger top portion is such a turn off to me. I don't like when a girl is talking and has dry saliva in the corners of her mouth! It’s a turn off. It makes me think "I will never kiss her", and if I can’t kiss her, then I cant be with her, it’s just gross. Umm…when a girl walks on the street without shoes and her feet are black. I’ve seen it in downtown San Diego like when a girl cant wear her heels anymore, so she walks barefoot where the cockroaches are. It’s like if you do that you don’t have a sense of cleanliness and it makes me think that the girl is dirty which is what I’m not looking for. I also don’t like if a girl smells bad or like B.O., it makes me want to say “get the hell out of here.” Also, when a girl makes her hair all different colors, I don’t like the punk look. I don’t like manly looking girls, like some Italian girls look so masculine and it turns me off. Last one that turns me off is when a girl has long, long nails, like u cant even type on a computer, that looks stupid.
That’s a lot, but at least you have standards! After being turned down, will you approach the same person again?
Oh no, that is crazy. I will talk “shit” about her because she hurt my feelings, but usually nobody turns me down because I always study the kind of person and never put myself in the position that a girl turns me down. I will study and think of the first thing to say. If I see somebody happy, then I like to think we would make a comfortable conversation. It’s not what you say but how you say it.
Do you use pick up lines to initiate a conversation?
No, because then a girl will think “you don’t know me, how can you even say that?” So I will never say something like that.
After meeting someone and exchanging numbers do you wait a certain amount of time to call them?
Actually, when I take someone’s number, sometimes I will forget the face of the number (haha). If I really like someone I will wait until she calls me first. I need to be sure that she is really interested in me first before I start calling her. After she texts or calls me I will call her once in awhile to make her feel that she wants desires me.
Will you date someone older or younger than you?
It doesn’t matter the age because you can find old women who are immature and younger women who are mature. It doesn’t matter the age, just the feeling. But, I cannot be with an older women by 20 years because when your in your 20s, you are still growing and building you life, when your 40 you there.
If yes, How many years?
Younger by maximum of 5 and older by 5 years as well.
Early on dating:
So who do you expect to pay on the first few dates?
Actually I like it when a girl will be a friend and wonder how much I spend. I am not married with a girl so I don’t want to pay all the time. It’s important to have an equal relationship. It costs someone to make money, and if I was a girl seeing a guy making 10 or 12 an hour, I wouldn’t feel good about it. I don’t like a girl to try to take me away from my work, although. If the girl is broke, I will pay for her but I still think that women and men have the same rights so they should both pay for their own stuff. If I really like a girl, it has nothing to do with pay, economical things are one thing, a girl I like is something else.
Describe your ideal first date:
For me, something nice would be going to Coronado Island (in San Diego) and walking where the view of San Diego is at night. Usually, on the first date I am afraid to show too much to a girl. I could rent a Ferrari or go to the best restaurant in San Diego, but then her view of me is wrong. I like something simple something where we can get to know each other, like a walk or an appetizer in a nice bar, or having a sandwich in a nice place. On first date, I am not confident. I can tell a girl “ hey, lets go on a jet ski” but she might be afraid.
Interesting! How long do you wait to have sex with someone that you are dating?
If I like a girl so much, it’s really not about waiting, it’s about how it comes. If it comes up early, it’s okay, if it comes on later, its okay. It depends on the girl. A woman is delicate and sometimes needs space in the beginning. A girl is like an engine you have to know it. If we have sex right away, then I think “it happens.” It’s the same to me whether it 2 days or 2 weeks, but 2 years, no way. If we wait too long, girls will just want to be your friend.
How long do you date someone until you make the relationship official?
Again, It depends on the girl. If I see the girl I’m still dating and she’s still talking to her ex, it takes longer, when a girl shows me that she really wants me and cares. If she asks me too soon to be my girlfriend, then I know she doesn’t know me, and it takes time to know someone. Honestly I am afraid of relationships so I always wait for the other person first. I am afraid of things ending bad because I have had bad experiences. I don’t know why every girl that gets with me really likes me a lot and doesn’t want to lose me, some girls lose pride and maybe she never had pride. It gets to the point where that makes me like someone less and less, a girl has to be herself.
Will you date more than one person at the same time?
No because I would lose both of them and because I don’t give myself to a lot of people at one time, this will mean that one of the girls, or both, I am wasting time on, and I do not like to waste time. I have many things to do, many things to take care of.
Would you date outside of your race?
Yes! It doesn’t matter where your from, we are humans, white, black, Asian, Latinos and Indians. I prefer the white race although, because I am white, I mean white-French, white- American, white- Scandinavian. If I go to England and see a black girl, it is hard for me because I am not attracted.
Serious Relationships:
Have you cheated on someone?
No, never. Like I said before, if I am with a girl, I am not a “whore.” I don’t give myself out to everyone, only to someone who deserves it. I am honest with everything in my life, whether it be work, or a relationship. If I don’t like someone, I will break up with them and just be honest rather than cheating on them.
How long do you wait until you take your relationship to the next level: Engaged/ Marriage?
It depends on the fights. If I have a lot of fights with my girlfriend, like breaking up and making up, it is not good for me. There’s a time between being boyfriend and girlfriend to getting engaged and in that time , if you have no problems, or are in a great relationship, I feel comfortable. When I’m comfortable, then I know I will want to marry this girl. If my family likes her, then I want to marry her. There’s no specific time, its related to how good the relationship is, if its good, then I’m great.
Will you live with someone while dating them?
If it’s an emergency and my girl needs help, then of course I would let her come in with me, but usually not while were dating because that is too fast. I have never lived with someone unless it was an emergency, bottom line. When I feel that I can do whatever I want while I’m with my girl and she understands me all the time, then I would move in. I have to feel comfortable, there has to be trust.
Do you say ‘I love you’ first or wait for your partner to say it?
In the U.S., you say I love you to everyone, it’s not like a strong meaning anymore. In Spanish there is “te quiero” like “I like you” and “te amo” like “I deeply love you.” So if I feel like I really love someone then I tell them “I really care about you, you are my heart, you are part of me.”
Do you believe in love at first sight?
No, because that is not possible. Maybe when your drunk (haha). You don’t know who they are how would you know? You have to get to know someone before feeling’s develop.
Thank you so much for doing this interview, it was very insightful!
Your welcome, anytime!
Saturday, November 21, 2009
interview #3 conducted by Mariana Gost
Dating Interview
Preliminary Questions:
Name: M30
Male/ Female: Male
Ethnicity: White
Age: 30
Sexuality: Gay/ Bisexual/ Straight/ Transgendered/ Intersex: Gay
M30 I will be asking you a series of question regarding dating. These questions are for an Anthropology project at Cal State University Fullerton. Your answers will be posted on a public Web blog. Do I have your verbal permission? Yes
When approaching a possible date:
1) If you are interested in someone, will you approach them first? If I know the other person is interested, cuz they are giving me the eye from across the room than yes.
2) If you are turned down, would you approach the same person again? No
3) So what physical qualities attract you to a person? I would say face is the main thing usually. I also like eyes and lips, as for body type it is not that important but skinny guys turn me on more.
4) What turn’s you off from a person? When a person has bad teeth and stinky breath, and I don’t like it when guys shaves their arms and legs and ass.
5) What about pick up lines? Have you ever used pick up lines or received pick up lines to initiate a conversation? I don’t use cheesy pick up lines. I don’t remember anyone every using lame pick up lines on me.
6) Now I know some guys out there might have this rule, but after meeting someone and exchanging numbers do you wait a certain amount of time to call them? I don’t know, I never followed any kind of rules. I will call the guy the next day, which is probably why I would freaked them out…lol.
7) Have you dated someone older or younger than you? Yes
8) How many years difference? When I was 21 years old I dated a guy who was 40. Currently my domestic partner is 9 months younger than I am.
9) So is age nothing but a number to you? Yes, for the most part. I have a general ‘rule of thumb’ if he’s hot it doesn’t matter as long as he is 18!
Early Dating:
10) If you’re going on the first few dates with someone, who do you expect to pay? Normally, I would say split the first date. But it depends. If a person asked me out on a date I would expect them to pay for the date.
11) What’s your ideal date? Its kind of boring but I would like to have a nice dinner and then get drinks. Either at home or out at a bar. Something really laid back.
12) How long do you wait to have sex with someone that you are dating?
In general I don’t have a rule with that one. With me there is little to no waiting period when it comes to sex.
13) How long do you date someone until you make the relationship official? Uhm it’s weird for me because I feel like next day we are an item. If I meet a guy and we like each other right away then where official.
14) Would you ever date more than one person at the same time? No, I would not be opposed to it but I have not dated more than one person at a time in the past .
15) Would you date outside of your race? Yes, my last boyfriend was Mexican.
Serious Relationships:
16) Have you ever been in a serious relationship? Yes, I am currently in a domestic partnership.
17) In a serious relationship, have you cheated on someone? Yes, with my last boyfriend, but is it really cheating if the other person knows about it?
18) How long do you wait until you take your relationship to the next level: Engaged/ Marriage/move in with someone?
With my current partner we would stay at each other’s houses all the time and then we moved to L.A. together. So then I guess that made ‘living together official’ this happened over the course of a year or so. As for engagement/marriage that doesn’t really apply to me. I will be a year in December that our domestic partnership was official. We register more as a formality. We had been together for three years before that.
19) Will you live with someone while dating them? Yes
20) Have you said ‘I love you’ first or do you wait for your partner to say it? In the past I have probably been the first person to say it. But the first time I told someone I love you I was drunk.
21) Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes, but there different versions of love at first site. Uhm, I guess so. When you see someone you kind of know you have a connection with you can call that love at first site. But then sometimes you think there is a connection and there isn’t one. I think that love at first site is often confused with lust.
Preliminary Questions:
Name: M30
Male/ Female: Male
Ethnicity: White
Age: 30
Sexuality: Gay/ Bisexual/ Straight/ Transgendered/ Intersex: Gay
M30 I will be asking you a series of question regarding dating. These questions are for an Anthropology project at Cal State University Fullerton. Your answers will be posted on a public Web blog. Do I have your verbal permission? Yes
When approaching a possible date:
1) If you are interested in someone, will you approach them first? If I know the other person is interested, cuz they are giving me the eye from across the room than yes.
2) If you are turned down, would you approach the same person again? No
3) So what physical qualities attract you to a person? I would say face is the main thing usually. I also like eyes and lips, as for body type it is not that important but skinny guys turn me on more.
4) What turn’s you off from a person? When a person has bad teeth and stinky breath, and I don’t like it when guys shaves their arms and legs and ass.
5) What about pick up lines? Have you ever used pick up lines or received pick up lines to initiate a conversation? I don’t use cheesy pick up lines. I don’t remember anyone every using lame pick up lines on me.
6) Now I know some guys out there might have this rule, but after meeting someone and exchanging numbers do you wait a certain amount of time to call them? I don’t know, I never followed any kind of rules. I will call the guy the next day, which is probably why I would freaked them out…lol.
7) Have you dated someone older or younger than you? Yes
8) How many years difference? When I was 21 years old I dated a guy who was 40. Currently my domestic partner is 9 months younger than I am.
9) So is age nothing but a number to you? Yes, for the most part. I have a general ‘rule of thumb’ if he’s hot it doesn’t matter as long as he is 18!
Early Dating:
10) If you’re going on the first few dates with someone, who do you expect to pay? Normally, I would say split the first date. But it depends. If a person asked me out on a date I would expect them to pay for the date.
11) What’s your ideal date? Its kind of boring but I would like to have a nice dinner and then get drinks. Either at home or out at a bar. Something really laid back.
12) How long do you wait to have sex with someone that you are dating?
In general I don’t have a rule with that one. With me there is little to no waiting period when it comes to sex.
13) How long do you date someone until you make the relationship official? Uhm it’s weird for me because I feel like next day we are an item. If I meet a guy and we like each other right away then where official.
14) Would you ever date more than one person at the same time? No, I would not be opposed to it but I have not dated more than one person at a time in the past .
15) Would you date outside of your race? Yes, my last boyfriend was Mexican.
Serious Relationships:
16) Have you ever been in a serious relationship? Yes, I am currently in a domestic partnership.
17) In a serious relationship, have you cheated on someone? Yes, with my last boyfriend, but is it really cheating if the other person knows about it?
18) How long do you wait until you take your relationship to the next level: Engaged/ Marriage/move in with someone?
With my current partner we would stay at each other’s houses all the time and then we moved to L.A. together. So then I guess that made ‘living together official’ this happened over the course of a year or so. As for engagement/marriage that doesn’t really apply to me. I will be a year in December that our domestic partnership was official. We register more as a formality. We had been together for three years before that.
19) Will you live with someone while dating them? Yes
20) Have you said ‘I love you’ first or do you wait for your partner to say it? In the past I have probably been the first person to say it. But the first time I told someone I love you I was drunk.
21) Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes, but there different versions of love at first site. Uhm, I guess so. When you see someone you kind of know you have a connection with you can call that love at first site. But then sometimes you think there is a connection and there isn’t one. I think that love at first site is often confused with lust.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Interview #2 Conducted by Mariana Gost
Dating Interview
Preliminary Questions:
Name: M 40
Male/ Female: Male
Ethnicity: White
Age: 40
Sexuality: Gay/ Bisexual/ Straight/ Transgendered/ Intersex: Straight
M40 I will be asking you a series of question regarding dating. These questions are for an Anthropology project at Cal State University Fullerton. Your answers will be posted on a public weg blog. Do I have your verbal permission. Yes
When approaching a possible date:
1) If you are interested in someone, will you approach them first? I will but uhm it’s definitely nerve wracking; the situation has to be just right. Just recently there was a woman that worked in a store I visit frequently. We have engaged in conversation before. I felt like it was the right time, the store was not very crowded and she was not busy. She seemed like she was alone (single). So I gave her my number.
2) If you are turned down, would you approach the same person again? No, if I am turned down I would assume that the person isn’t going to change their mind.
3) So what physical qualities attract you to a person? Definitely eyes and facial structure. As for body type I prefer slender, personal style and their clothing is something that I am really into.
4)What turn’s you off from a person? Someone who is overweight. I would say if they are 30 to 40 pounds or more over weight. For me the person needs to be at least semi fit. I do not find myself attracted to larger women. Also when woman have those big long fake finger nail…… I can’t stand that, and if a woman wears too much make up. I like women who are natural. A little make up is okay.
5)What about pick up lines? Have you ever used pick up lines or received pick up lines to initiate a conversation? No I have never used pick up lines and I have never used pick up lines on a woman…. Laughing.
6)Now I know some guys out there might have this rule, but after meeting someone and exchanging numbers do you wait a certain amount of time to call them? I would not wait longer than two days to call them.
7)Have you dated someone older or younger than you? I have dated women both older and younger than me
8)How many years difference? So there was this one woman, who was 5 years younger than me. I have gone recently been dating a woman who is 15 years older than me. When I was in my early thirties I dated a woman who was twelve and a half years younger than me.
9)So is age nothing but a number to you? No, uhm, that’s not true there are definitely problems with points of view and things of that nature. When you are in your twenties, thirty and forties people are at different places in their lives and they have different ideals about life.
Early Dating:
10)If you’re going on the first few dates with someone, who do you expect to pay? I would pay for the first three dates. But after the third date id the person is truly interested in me I would like it if she offered to go ‘dutch’ on a date or offer to pay for dessert.
11) What’s your ideal date: well that’s a hard one. It would be cool if I took a woman out to a club or a bar and the band that was playing we both were really into (just by chance). Also if we were able to have one of those deep conversations that just flow, not force. Finding out that we are on the same page with life and stuff.
12) How long do you wait to have sex with someone that you are dating? I would say who I am now and the place I am at in my life I would say about a month. We would have to have gone out on at least 8or 9 dates also.
13) How long do you date someone until you make the relationship official? I would say probably two to 3 months. We would need to have a serious talk beforehand about both of our goals and aspiration for the future. Also I feel it is important to talk about marriage and see if that is what this person wants the relationship to lead to.
14) Would you ever date more than one person at the same time? Yes I have dated more than one woman at a time but I that was a long time ago. I no longer date more than one woman at a time.
15)Would you date outside of your race? Yes I would. When I was living up in Northern California I date a woman from India. When I was in High school I dated a Mexican girl. But those are the other woman that come to mind right now.
Serious Relationships:
16) Have you ever been in a serious relationship? Yes … Uhm I have been in a few serious relationships. I would say five in my entire life.
17)In a serious relationship, have you cheated on someone? NO !
18)How long do you wait until you take your relationship to the next level: Engaged/ Marriage/ Moving in together? I was dating this one woman. We were dating for about six months and we moved into together. As for marriage, I have never asked a woman to marry me. I I have been waiting for them to ask me but no one has.
19)Will you live with someone while dating them? Okay here is how I understand the question. I would become romantic with a roommate and uhm yes I would if the we were both attracted to each other and the feelings were mutual.
20)Have you said ‘I love you’ first or do you wait for your partner to say it? I say it first….. I think I have always been the one to say I love you first in the relationship.
21)Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes, but there different versions of love at first site. Well this is an interesting question. It can be taking so many different ways. It’s like if you ask someone if they believe in God. There is evidence the support it and evidence that doesn’t. I know I am open to the idea, but I have never experienced love at first site.
Preliminary Questions:
Name: M 40
Male/ Female: Male
Ethnicity: White
Age: 40
Sexuality: Gay/ Bisexual/ Straight/ Transgendered/ Intersex: Straight
M40 I will be asking you a series of question regarding dating. These questions are for an Anthropology project at Cal State University Fullerton. Your answers will be posted on a public weg blog. Do I have your verbal permission. Yes
When approaching a possible date:
1) If you are interested in someone, will you approach them first? I will but uhm it’s definitely nerve wracking; the situation has to be just right. Just recently there was a woman that worked in a store I visit frequently. We have engaged in conversation before. I felt like it was the right time, the store was not very crowded and she was not busy. She seemed like she was alone (single). So I gave her my number.
2) If you are turned down, would you approach the same person again? No, if I am turned down I would assume that the person isn’t going to change their mind.
3) So what physical qualities attract you to a person? Definitely eyes and facial structure. As for body type I prefer slender, personal style and their clothing is something that I am really into.
4)What turn’s you off from a person? Someone who is overweight. I would say if they are 30 to 40 pounds or more over weight. For me the person needs to be at least semi fit. I do not find myself attracted to larger women. Also when woman have those big long fake finger nail…… I can’t stand that, and if a woman wears too much make up. I like women who are natural. A little make up is okay.
5)What about pick up lines? Have you ever used pick up lines or received pick up lines to initiate a conversation? No I have never used pick up lines and I have never used pick up lines on a woman…. Laughing.
6)Now I know some guys out there might have this rule, but after meeting someone and exchanging numbers do you wait a certain amount of time to call them? I would not wait longer than two days to call them.
7)Have you dated someone older or younger than you? I have dated women both older and younger than me
8)How many years difference? So there was this one woman, who was 5 years younger than me. I have gone recently been dating a woman who is 15 years older than me. When I was in my early thirties I dated a woman who was twelve and a half years younger than me.
9)So is age nothing but a number to you? No, uhm, that’s not true there are definitely problems with points of view and things of that nature. When you are in your twenties, thirty and forties people are at different places in their lives and they have different ideals about life.
Early Dating:
10)If you’re going on the first few dates with someone, who do you expect to pay? I would pay for the first three dates. But after the third date id the person is truly interested in me I would like it if she offered to go ‘dutch’ on a date or offer to pay for dessert.
11) What’s your ideal date: well that’s a hard one. It would be cool if I took a woman out to a club or a bar and the band that was playing we both were really into (just by chance). Also if we were able to have one of those deep conversations that just flow, not force. Finding out that we are on the same page with life and stuff.
12) How long do you wait to have sex with someone that you are dating? I would say who I am now and the place I am at in my life I would say about a month. We would have to have gone out on at least 8or 9 dates also.
13) How long do you date someone until you make the relationship official? I would say probably two to 3 months. We would need to have a serious talk beforehand about both of our goals and aspiration for the future. Also I feel it is important to talk about marriage and see if that is what this person wants the relationship to lead to.
14) Would you ever date more than one person at the same time? Yes I have dated more than one woman at a time but I that was a long time ago. I no longer date more than one woman at a time.
15)Would you date outside of your race? Yes I would. When I was living up in Northern California I date a woman from India. When I was in High school I dated a Mexican girl. But those are the other woman that come to mind right now.
Serious Relationships:
16) Have you ever been in a serious relationship? Yes … Uhm I have been in a few serious relationships. I would say five in my entire life.
17)In a serious relationship, have you cheated on someone? NO !
18)How long do you wait until you take your relationship to the next level: Engaged/ Marriage/ Moving in together? I was dating this one woman. We were dating for about six months and we moved into together. As for marriage, I have never asked a woman to marry me. I I have been waiting for them to ask me but no one has.
19)Will you live with someone while dating them? Okay here is how I understand the question. I would become romantic with a roommate and uhm yes I would if the we were both attracted to each other and the feelings were mutual.
20)Have you said ‘I love you’ first or do you wait for your partner to say it? I say it first….. I think I have always been the one to say I love you first in the relationship.
21)Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes, but there different versions of love at first site. Well this is an interesting question. It can be taking so many different ways. It’s like if you ask someone if they believe in God. There is evidence the support it and evidence that doesn’t. I know I am open to the idea, but I have never experienced love at first site.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Cure your approach anxiety
Cure your approach anxiety
You see an attractive woman at a bar, coffee shop, or party. You want to go talk to her…when all of a sudden that nervous feeling shows up.
Sound familiar?
Most guys are not “naturals” at being able to confidently approach any woman they want, in any situation. (At least not without a lot of alcoholic “liquid courage.”)
Being able to confidently approach a woman you are interested in – without creeping her out by glancing at her repeatedly while trying to psych yourself up, without hovering her, without being yet another drunk guy – is not necessary before you can even begin the process of seducing her, but the confidence and boldness you’ll show is attractive to women in itself.
At Love Systems, we have something called the “three second rule”. It’s been proven that women respond much better to men who start approaching them within three seconds of noticing each other.
To help you cultivate this reflex (see an attractive women…no more than three seconds…start moving your feet), here are some basic pointers:
Don’t over think things
Agonizing over the “perfect” thing to say will kill your chances. The three second rule gives you just a couple moments to think of what you’ll say; then it’s time to start moving. Even if you just say “Hi,” it’s better than a brilliant opening line delivered after 10 minutes or standing around.
If you’re especially nervous, the best tried-and-true routines (not just opening lines, but the next thing you say, plus proven lines to build attraction, comfort, and to close the deal) are available in the downloadable Love Systems Routines Manual.
Rejection isn’t a judgment
Don’t fear rejection. If she isn’t interested, you’re no worse off than if you didn’t approach her in the first place. Remember, she can’t possibly reject you in the first 90 seconds – she doesn’t know you well enough to reject you. She can only reject your approach. Using Love Systems techniques will cure that situation quickly…
Warm up
To break the ice, consider your first few approaches as “warm ups.” Get yourself in a talkative mood before you hit the bar/party/club. Before you go out, call a few friends. Hit a couple bars on your way out. Above all, don’t take anything too seriously. The more you make it fun, the easier it will be (and your results will improve).
Use opinion openers
Opinion openers are great for getting over approach anxiety because, after all, you’re just asking a question. Since you’re simply engaging the woman by asking a question, opinion openers are a great way to ease into more aggressive and rewarding approaches. A great list of opinion openers can be found in the free, downloadable Chapter 5 of Magic Bullets.
Create incentives
Just like working out, improving your ability to approach will involve some rewarding and punishing. For example, you can go out with a friend and give him $200 and have him give you $20 back every time you approach someone new. Whatever method you choose, the goal should be to incentivize yourself to approach as much women as possible.
Dealing with mixed groups
Don’t be afraid of mixed groups of men and women. To avoid any potential issues, direct your opening conversation to the men in the group first and start to befriend them (but don’t kiss their ass). You can talk about sports, cars, drinks, or anything that seems like a natural conversation starter. If you’re interesting enough, you’ll grab the woman’s interest as well.
Approaching a mixed group is also an automatic point builder with women, since they’ll admire your guts for approaching a group full of guys. Almost immediately, you’ll also be able to gauge the relationships of the men and women in the group. Are they dating? Did they all just meet? Depending on the situation, you can either sink or swim together. Check out Chapter 21 in Magic Bullets for an advanced look at how to decipher a good wingman from a rival and be successful with groups.
Nick Savoy is President and Program Leader of Love Systems (formerly Mystery Method Corp). The Love Systems approach to meeting women was recently proven on a live episode of the Tyra Banks show
source: http://www.fhmonline.com/Site/Content/Article.aspx?ID=42049
You see an attractive woman at a bar, coffee shop, or party. You want to go talk to her…when all of a sudden that nervous feeling shows up.
Sound familiar?
Most guys are not “naturals” at being able to confidently approach any woman they want, in any situation. (At least not without a lot of alcoholic “liquid courage.”)
Being able to confidently approach a woman you are interested in – without creeping her out by glancing at her repeatedly while trying to psych yourself up, without hovering her, without being yet another drunk guy – is not necessary before you can even begin the process of seducing her, but the confidence and boldness you’ll show is attractive to women in itself.
At Love Systems, we have something called the “three second rule”. It’s been proven that women respond much better to men who start approaching them within three seconds of noticing each other.
To help you cultivate this reflex (see an attractive women…no more than three seconds…start moving your feet), here are some basic pointers:
Don’t over think things
Agonizing over the “perfect” thing to say will kill your chances. The three second rule gives you just a couple moments to think of what you’ll say; then it’s time to start moving. Even if you just say “Hi,” it’s better than a brilliant opening line delivered after 10 minutes or standing around.
If you’re especially nervous, the best tried-and-true routines (not just opening lines, but the next thing you say, plus proven lines to build attraction, comfort, and to close the deal) are available in the downloadable Love Systems Routines Manual.
Rejection isn’t a judgment
Don’t fear rejection. If she isn’t interested, you’re no worse off than if you didn’t approach her in the first place. Remember, she can’t possibly reject you in the first 90 seconds – she doesn’t know you well enough to reject you. She can only reject your approach. Using Love Systems techniques will cure that situation quickly…
Warm up
To break the ice, consider your first few approaches as “warm ups.” Get yourself in a talkative mood before you hit the bar/party/club. Before you go out, call a few friends. Hit a couple bars on your way out. Above all, don’t take anything too seriously. The more you make it fun, the easier it will be (and your results will improve).
Use opinion openers
Opinion openers are great for getting over approach anxiety because, after all, you’re just asking a question. Since you’re simply engaging the woman by asking a question, opinion openers are a great way to ease into more aggressive and rewarding approaches. A great list of opinion openers can be found in the free, downloadable Chapter 5 of Magic Bullets.
Create incentives
Just like working out, improving your ability to approach will involve some rewarding and punishing. For example, you can go out with a friend and give him $200 and have him give you $20 back every time you approach someone new. Whatever method you choose, the goal should be to incentivize yourself to approach as much women as possible.
Dealing with mixed groups
Don’t be afraid of mixed groups of men and women. To avoid any potential issues, direct your opening conversation to the men in the group first and start to befriend them (but don’t kiss their ass). You can talk about sports, cars, drinks, or anything that seems like a natural conversation starter. If you’re interesting enough, you’ll grab the woman’s interest as well.
Approaching a mixed group is also an automatic point builder with women, since they’ll admire your guts for approaching a group full of guys. Almost immediately, you’ll also be able to gauge the relationships of the men and women in the group. Are they dating? Did they all just meet? Depending on the situation, you can either sink or swim together. Check out Chapter 21 in Magic Bullets for an advanced look at how to decipher a good wingman from a rival and be successful with groups.
Nick Savoy is President and Program Leader of Love Systems (formerly Mystery Method Corp). The Love Systems approach to meeting women was recently proven on a live episode of the Tyra Banks show
source: http://www.fhmonline.com/Site/Content/Article.aspx?ID=42049
10 Important Dating Tips for Men
10 Important Dating Tips for Men
There is a saying that "you never get a second chance to make a good first impression." With that in mind, it is vital to be fully prepared to make a great impression on each date you go on. Here are 10 tips for men on dating success and making an impression that will last.
1. Take a Bath or Shower
One of the worst things you could do when going out on a date (especially if it is your first date) is to turn up unshaven, looking dirty and smelling. Women are the cleaner of the species and will partly judge you on how hygienic you are. After all, you would be appalled if she turned up for the date looking like a mutt dog with tangled fur that hadn't bathed for days.
It doesn’t cost anything to take a bath and to make an effort to look and smell nice. Remember, bad breath and body odor are an instant turn off and she will assume that this is how you are all the time even if you are just having a bad day. As a result, she won’t be able to see beyond your appearance.
2. Arrive on Time
Whatever you do, don’t turn up late. Turning up late will send out all the wrong impressions. At first she may think she's been stood up, but after arriving late her opinion will change to you being unreliable or not caring enough about her to be on time. If you are picking her up from her home then it is advisable to turn up five minute before you are due. Any earlier and you might catch her adjusting her makeup or still getting ready. Five minutes early is the earliest you should arrive. But never be late.
3. Give Her a Thoughtful Gift
A woman feels special when the man she is with gives her a thoughtful gift. What is a thoughtful gift? Well, you obvious know some things about a woman before a first date that came from phone conversations, emails, etc. Take what you know and buy her an appropriate date gift. For example, let's say that the woman really likes golf. There are companies that make chocolate golf sets - a miniature chocolate club with a chocolate tee and chocolate golf ball. This would make a great first date gift. For a generic thoughtful gift, buy a chocolate rose. That's always appropriate without being overboard.
4. Be a Gentleman
Hold the door open for her, let her walk through the doors first, pull her chair, and be polite to her along with the people around you. Women like to feel special and by treating her like a lady she will think you are fantastic.
5. Compliment Her
The first thing to say to her is you look beautiful before you even ask how she is. Keep up the compliments throughout your date, but do not go over board (3-4 for the night should be more than enough). A woman loves to be complimented, to feel beautiful and to think that you are attracted to her. The more sincere and observant your compliment, the bigger impact it will have. But remember again not to go overboard. More than four compliments may make you appear fake and not real.
6. Listen to Her and Ask Questions
Nobody wants to spend the whole night listening to someone talk about themselves. But you do have to get to know each other. Ask her questions, but more importantly listen to what she has to say. A woman is attracted to a man who is genuinely interested in hearing what she has to say. Spend a lot more time asking her questions and letting her talk than talking yourself.
7. Prepare for the Conversation
The last thing you want is to be sitting at a meal with nothing to talk about. Think about your date and what you would like to know about her. You may think that it is easy to talk and that you will not run out of questions to ask or that you will automatically have the answers but until you are in the situation, you have no idea what it will be like. Avoid talking about past relationships or other women while on the date. Keep your focus, attention, and conversation fully on her.
8. Pay for the Date
It's virtually always appropriate for a gentleman to offer to pay for the date. When a man takes it upon himself to pay for the date, he is displaying that old act of "chivalry" that is missing from many men these days. However, some women feel more comfortable going "dutch" and if she insists on this, then don't resist. To avoid awkwardness, make sure you let her know before the date that you plan on paying for it.
9. The Goodnight Kiss
Some women prefer not to kiss after a first date, while others may be disappointed if the guy doesn't even try. There is no easy answer to this question. Body language and chemistry throughout the night is key in the decision you make. If it feels right, then you may want to consider making the move. If it doesn't feel right then a friendly hug may be more appropriate.
10. I'll Call You
Only tell her that you will call her if you mean it and intend on seeing her again. Do not, under any circumstances, tell her you will call her if you are not interested and have no plans to call her. In this case, when saying goodbye, just say, "It was nice meeting you" and wish her luck. Or you could just say good night, smile and walk a way. But if you do like her and are interested, then you must let her know.
source: http://www.onlinedatingmagazine.com/articles/datingtipsformen.html
There is a saying that "you never get a second chance to make a good first impression." With that in mind, it is vital to be fully prepared to make a great impression on each date you go on. Here are 10 tips for men on dating success and making an impression that will last.
1. Take a Bath or Shower
One of the worst things you could do when going out on a date (especially if it is your first date) is to turn up unshaven, looking dirty and smelling. Women are the cleaner of the species and will partly judge you on how hygienic you are. After all, you would be appalled if she turned up for the date looking like a mutt dog with tangled fur that hadn't bathed for days.
It doesn’t cost anything to take a bath and to make an effort to look and smell nice. Remember, bad breath and body odor are an instant turn off and she will assume that this is how you are all the time even if you are just having a bad day. As a result, she won’t be able to see beyond your appearance.
2. Arrive on Time
Whatever you do, don’t turn up late. Turning up late will send out all the wrong impressions. At first she may think she's been stood up, but after arriving late her opinion will change to you being unreliable or not caring enough about her to be on time. If you are picking her up from her home then it is advisable to turn up five minute before you are due. Any earlier and you might catch her adjusting her makeup or still getting ready. Five minutes early is the earliest you should arrive. But never be late.
3. Give Her a Thoughtful Gift
A woman feels special when the man she is with gives her a thoughtful gift. What is a thoughtful gift? Well, you obvious know some things about a woman before a first date that came from phone conversations, emails, etc. Take what you know and buy her an appropriate date gift. For example, let's say that the woman really likes golf. There are companies that make chocolate golf sets - a miniature chocolate club with a chocolate tee and chocolate golf ball. This would make a great first date gift. For a generic thoughtful gift, buy a chocolate rose. That's always appropriate without being overboard.
4. Be a Gentleman
Hold the door open for her, let her walk through the doors first, pull her chair, and be polite to her along with the people around you. Women like to feel special and by treating her like a lady she will think you are fantastic.
5. Compliment Her
The first thing to say to her is you look beautiful before you even ask how she is. Keep up the compliments throughout your date, but do not go over board (3-4 for the night should be more than enough). A woman loves to be complimented, to feel beautiful and to think that you are attracted to her. The more sincere and observant your compliment, the bigger impact it will have. But remember again not to go overboard. More than four compliments may make you appear fake and not real.
6. Listen to Her and Ask Questions
Nobody wants to spend the whole night listening to someone talk about themselves. But you do have to get to know each other. Ask her questions, but more importantly listen to what she has to say. A woman is attracted to a man who is genuinely interested in hearing what she has to say. Spend a lot more time asking her questions and letting her talk than talking yourself.
7. Prepare for the Conversation
The last thing you want is to be sitting at a meal with nothing to talk about. Think about your date and what you would like to know about her. You may think that it is easy to talk and that you will not run out of questions to ask or that you will automatically have the answers but until you are in the situation, you have no idea what it will be like. Avoid talking about past relationships or other women while on the date. Keep your focus, attention, and conversation fully on her.
8. Pay for the Date
It's virtually always appropriate for a gentleman to offer to pay for the date. When a man takes it upon himself to pay for the date, he is displaying that old act of "chivalry" that is missing from many men these days. However, some women feel more comfortable going "dutch" and if she insists on this, then don't resist. To avoid awkwardness, make sure you let her know before the date that you plan on paying for it.
9. The Goodnight Kiss
Some women prefer not to kiss after a first date, while others may be disappointed if the guy doesn't even try. There is no easy answer to this question. Body language and chemistry throughout the night is key in the decision you make. If it feels right, then you may want to consider making the move. If it doesn't feel right then a friendly hug may be more appropriate.
10. I'll Call You
Only tell her that you will call her if you mean it and intend on seeing her again. Do not, under any circumstances, tell her you will call her if you are not interested and have no plans to call her. In this case, when saying goodbye, just say, "It was nice meeting you" and wish her luck. Or you could just say good night, smile and walk a way. But if you do like her and are interested, then you must let her know.
source: http://www.onlinedatingmagazine.com/articles/datingtipsformen.html
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Interview #1 By Mariana
Dating Interview
Preliminary Questions:
Name: F29
Male/ Female: Female
Ethnicity: White
Age:29
Sexuality: Gay/ Bisexual/ Straight/ Transgendered/ Intersex: Straight
F29 I will be asking you a series of question regarding dating. These questions are for an Anthropology project at Cal State University Fullerton. Your answers will be posted on a public weg blog. Do I have your verbal permission. Yes
When approaching a possible date:
If you are interested in someone, will you approach them first? Absolutely, but I have not always been that way. It took me a long time to get comfortable with the idea that it’s okay for me to go up to guy first.
If you are turned down, would you approach the same person again? Laughing…… no. defiantly not
So what physical qualities attract you to a person? Hum… where do I start? I would have to say eyes and smile. I am pretty open when it comes to body types. Won’t do fat but I will do husky.
What turn’s you off from a person? When they overuse alcohol or drug, and guys who are controlling forget it. I kick those guys to the curb fast.
What about pick up lines? Have you ever used pick up lines or received pick up lines to initiate a conversation? Yes! Like while I was dancing this hot black guy I said, “You’ve got some moves man! I wonder what moves you have in the bedroom.” And then he leaned over to me and said, “I have never had a woman like you before”. And my response, “oh I am so sure”.
Now I know some guys out there might have this rule, but after meeting someone and exchanging numbers do you wait a certain amount of time to call them? Usually I wait about a day. If you like someone call them.
Have you dated someone older or younger than you? Absolutely, the guy I am currently dating is younger. The oldest I would go is four years
How many years difference? 4 years
So is age nothing but a number to you? Yes
Early Dating:
If you’re going on the first few dates with someone, who do you expect to pay? Him, if a guy is asking me out on a bunch of dates he should be the one paying for it.
What’s your ideal date: drive in movie, something carefree, not a super nice restaurant just something fun that we are both into. Something with nature like hiking or going to the beach.
How long do you wait to have sex with someone that you are dating? I have no rules with this one. Let’s just leave it at that
How long do you date someone until you make the relationship official? Normally about a month but again it really depends on the person.
Would you ever date more than one person at the same time?
No, I have done it in the past but I just feel like its not natural. I just don’t do it anymore. It’s a lot of work to be honest with you.
Would you date outside of your race? Yes, I was married; he is half black and half white. His mom is black and dad is white
Serious Relationships:
Have you ever been in a serious relationship? Yes
In a serious relationship, have you cheated on someone? Yes, but I do not wish to elaborate.
How long do you wait until you take your relationship to the next level: Engaged/ Marriage? 2 years is how long I wanted to wait but with my ex husband I waited 3 and half years until I proposed to him!
Will you live with someone while dating them? Not anymore, I feel like it cheapens the relationship and marriage and the commitment level of marriage. I didn’t decide this until after my ex.
Have you said ‘I love you’ first or do you wait for your partner to say it? I always wait for them to say it first. Because it really depends on the person, but if I feel it I will say it first.
Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes, but there different versions of love at first site. In high school I thought I was in love with Chad Cely cuz he was the sexiest man I had ever seen! …giggling
Preliminary Questions:
Name: F29
Male/ Female: Female
Ethnicity: White
Age:29
Sexuality: Gay/ Bisexual/ Straight/ Transgendered/ Intersex: Straight
F29 I will be asking you a series of question regarding dating. These questions are for an Anthropology project at Cal State University Fullerton. Your answers will be posted on a public weg blog. Do I have your verbal permission. Yes
When approaching a possible date:
If you are interested in someone, will you approach them first? Absolutely, but I have not always been that way. It took me a long time to get comfortable with the idea that it’s okay for me to go up to guy first.
If you are turned down, would you approach the same person again? Laughing…… no. defiantly not
So what physical qualities attract you to a person? Hum… where do I start? I would have to say eyes and smile. I am pretty open when it comes to body types. Won’t do fat but I will do husky.
What turn’s you off from a person? When they overuse alcohol or drug, and guys who are controlling forget it. I kick those guys to the curb fast.
What about pick up lines? Have you ever used pick up lines or received pick up lines to initiate a conversation? Yes! Like while I was dancing this hot black guy I said, “You’ve got some moves man! I wonder what moves you have in the bedroom.” And then he leaned over to me and said, “I have never had a woman like you before”. And my response, “oh I am so sure”.
Now I know some guys out there might have this rule, but after meeting someone and exchanging numbers do you wait a certain amount of time to call them? Usually I wait about a day. If you like someone call them.
Have you dated someone older or younger than you? Absolutely, the guy I am currently dating is younger. The oldest I would go is four years
How many years difference? 4 years
So is age nothing but a number to you? Yes
Early Dating:
If you’re going on the first few dates with someone, who do you expect to pay? Him, if a guy is asking me out on a bunch of dates he should be the one paying for it.
What’s your ideal date: drive in movie, something carefree, not a super nice restaurant just something fun that we are both into. Something with nature like hiking or going to the beach.
How long do you wait to have sex with someone that you are dating? I have no rules with this one. Let’s just leave it at that
How long do you date someone until you make the relationship official? Normally about a month but again it really depends on the person.
Would you ever date more than one person at the same time?
No, I have done it in the past but I just feel like its not natural. I just don’t do it anymore. It’s a lot of work to be honest with you.
Would you date outside of your race? Yes, I was married; he is half black and half white. His mom is black and dad is white
Serious Relationships:
Have you ever been in a serious relationship? Yes
In a serious relationship, have you cheated on someone? Yes, but I do not wish to elaborate.
How long do you wait until you take your relationship to the next level: Engaged/ Marriage? 2 years is how long I wanted to wait but with my ex husband I waited 3 and half years until I proposed to him!
Will you live with someone while dating them? Not anymore, I feel like it cheapens the relationship and marriage and the commitment level of marriage. I didn’t decide this until after my ex.
Have you said ‘I love you’ first or do you wait for your partner to say it? I always wait for them to say it first. Because it really depends on the person, but if I feel it I will say it first.
Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes, but there different versions of love at first site. In high school I thought I was in love with Chad Cely cuz he was the sexiest man I had ever seen! …giggling
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Interview #2 By Cheyenne Inglis
Interview #2 By Cheyenne Inglis
Dating 101
Preliminary Questions:
-Male/ Female
-Ethnicity Caucasian
-Age: 22-Sexuality: Gay/ Bisexual/ Straight/ Transgendered/ Intersex
Approaching a possible date:
Thank you for sitting down for this interview! So let’s get started. When you are interested in someone, will you approach them first?
No, I’m way too shy! Also, I am very traditional when it comes to the approaching part of dating.
So if someone did approach you, then what physical qualities would attract you to them?
I like broad shoulders, tall, and clean-cut. I really love the professional look, it shows me that they take the time to look good.
That’s important! So then what would turn you off from person?
Smoking cigarettes, too skinny, too short, too tall, bad breath, uneducated, mean spirited, too forward, and too shy. All of those things make me want to run the other direction.
If you are ever being turned down, would you approach the same person again? Yea sure. I’m shy, but I’m confident.
Do you use pick up lines to initiate a conversation?
No, I let them take care of that. Like I said before, I am way too shy. I like it when a man initiates and takes action to talk to me, it shows me they are not lazy but bold, which is a turn-on to me. Any man that is too shy to talk to someone they like is not worth it to me. They will always be the loser sitting in the corner.
I can agree with that! After meeting someone and exchanging numbers do you wait a certain amount of time to call them?
I don’t call them, they call me. If they don’t, then it’s not worth it and I definitely won’t even be thinking twice about them.
Would you date someone older/ younger than you?
Not younger, but older definitely, and I have.
- if yes, How many years?
Not younger like I said, but older by 10 years or so. I am more attracted to older men because they are more mature and experienced mentally, physically, sexually. I don’t have to worry about babying them around, which I find that a lot of men my age need to be babysat.
Early on dating:
Who do you expect to pay on the first few dates?
The male. I am very traditional when it comes to this. Like I said before I am too shy and I expect the man to make the plans for the first date. If he can’t man-up and treat me like a lady, then I’m out.
So describe your ideal first date:
Meeting up around 7 in the evening and going to a five star restaurant. After dinner either go to a movie or go for a drive along the coast.
That would be nice! How long do you wait to have sex with someone that you are dating?
It depends on the person and I would have to know that they are sincere about the relationship. Sex can’t be the main motive. I try to wait as long as a can before it just “feels right.” Usually I can tell when that is a guys main motive by how aggressive he is. If a man waits, he is worthy of my time.
How long do you date someone until you make the relationship official?
A couple of months, although I usually let the male conclude whether we are in a official relationship or not. As you can tell, I leave a lot of things up to the men.
Will you date more than one person at the same time?
Never, I am a faithful person.
Would you date outside of your race?
Yes, I am right now, and it’s amazing
Serious Relationships:
In a serious relationship, have you ever cheated on someone?
Not in a relationship that I cared about.
That’s good! How long do you wait until you take your relationship to the next level: (Engaged/ Marriage.)
I would have to know that he is what I wanted and know as much about them as I could. After I know I want to be with that person I would consider getting engaged early and hold off on getting married for a year until I knew he was the one. I feel that engagements are less official, and there wouldn’t be any harm in being engaged early in the relationship.
Will you live with someone while dating them?
Possible, never have, so I really can’t answer.
Do you say ‘I love you’ first or wait for your partner to say it?
I never say it first. Actually I haven’t been in love either, but I would wait for him to say it.
Do you believe in love at first sight?
No, love takes time for me. Although I think men can fall in love at first sight.
Well thankyou so much for doing this interview with me, its great to get another perspective on a topic like this!
Dating 101
Preliminary Questions:
-Male/ Female
-Ethnicity Caucasian
-Age: 22-Sexuality: Gay/ Bisexual/ Straight/ Transgendered/ Intersex
Approaching a possible date:
Thank you for sitting down for this interview! So let’s get started. When you are interested in someone, will you approach them first?
No, I’m way too shy! Also, I am very traditional when it comes to the approaching part of dating.
So if someone did approach you, then what physical qualities would attract you to them?
I like broad shoulders, tall, and clean-cut. I really love the professional look, it shows me that they take the time to look good.
That’s important! So then what would turn you off from person?
Smoking cigarettes, too skinny, too short, too tall, bad breath, uneducated, mean spirited, too forward, and too shy. All of those things make me want to run the other direction.
If you are ever being turned down, would you approach the same person again? Yea sure. I’m shy, but I’m confident.
Do you use pick up lines to initiate a conversation?
No, I let them take care of that. Like I said before, I am way too shy. I like it when a man initiates and takes action to talk to me, it shows me they are not lazy but bold, which is a turn-on to me. Any man that is too shy to talk to someone they like is not worth it to me. They will always be the loser sitting in the corner.
I can agree with that! After meeting someone and exchanging numbers do you wait a certain amount of time to call them?
I don’t call them, they call me. If they don’t, then it’s not worth it and I definitely won’t even be thinking twice about them.
Would you date someone older/ younger than you?
Not younger, but older definitely, and I have.
- if yes, How many years?
Not younger like I said, but older by 10 years or so. I am more attracted to older men because they are more mature and experienced mentally, physically, sexually. I don’t have to worry about babying them around, which I find that a lot of men my age need to be babysat.
Early on dating:
Who do you expect to pay on the first few dates?
The male. I am very traditional when it comes to this. Like I said before I am too shy and I expect the man to make the plans for the first date. If he can’t man-up and treat me like a lady, then I’m out.
So describe your ideal first date:
Meeting up around 7 in the evening and going to a five star restaurant. After dinner either go to a movie or go for a drive along the coast.
That would be nice! How long do you wait to have sex with someone that you are dating?
It depends on the person and I would have to know that they are sincere about the relationship. Sex can’t be the main motive. I try to wait as long as a can before it just “feels right.” Usually I can tell when that is a guys main motive by how aggressive he is. If a man waits, he is worthy of my time.
How long do you date someone until you make the relationship official?
A couple of months, although I usually let the male conclude whether we are in a official relationship or not. As you can tell, I leave a lot of things up to the men.
Will you date more than one person at the same time?
Never, I am a faithful person.
Would you date outside of your race?
Yes, I am right now, and it’s amazing
Serious Relationships:
In a serious relationship, have you ever cheated on someone?
Not in a relationship that I cared about.
That’s good! How long do you wait until you take your relationship to the next level: (Engaged/ Marriage.)
I would have to know that he is what I wanted and know as much about them as I could. After I know I want to be with that person I would consider getting engaged early and hold off on getting married for a year until I knew he was the one. I feel that engagements are less official, and there wouldn’t be any harm in being engaged early in the relationship.
Will you live with someone while dating them?
Possible, never have, so I really can’t answer.
Do you say ‘I love you’ first or wait for your partner to say it?
I never say it first. Actually I haven’t been in love either, but I would wait for him to say it.
Do you believe in love at first sight?
No, love takes time for me. Although I think men can fall in love at first sight.
Well thankyou so much for doing this interview with me, its great to get another perspective on a topic like this!
Friday, November 13, 2009
Forces of Attraction
Premium Health News Service
October 26, 2009
Forces of Attraction
The building blocks of sex appeal.
When you're attracted to someone, your whole body switches on. It's like hearing the first bars of your favorite song. And though it might feel like magic, it isn't random. It's just too complex for us to discern the harmony. Attraction is so subtle that we would trip over our own feet if we were aware of every move. That's why our brains have set us up to draw instantaneous inferences from tiny nuances of behavior, what psychologists call "thin slices" of judgment. We form first impressions of another's attractiveness in a tenth of a second, generating a symphonic burst of desire in which everything from voice to wit plays a part.
What's in a voice?
The sound of a sexy voice can echo for generations ("Happy Birthday, Mr. President..."). And the dissonance of an ear-blistering cackle can turn away even the most interested suitors (call it the Fran Drescher effect). But between these extremes, how much do we weigh the voice of a potential partner--and what do we listen for when they first open their mouths?
Accents affect our perceptions, as do speed and pitch. We judge fast talkers to be more educated, and those with varied inflection to be more interesting. Men prefer higher voices in women, and women like deeper voices in men (especially when ovulating or looking for a short-term relationship). Pitch correlates only loosely with height, but is closely tied to hormone levels -- meaning it's a good indicator of fertility or dominance, as well as health and attractiveness. "In general, people with attractive voices have attractive faces," says David Feinberg, a psychologist at McMaster University, Hamilton, Ontario, Canada.
If your voice eclipses your face as your star quality, keep your mouth moving. A recent study showed that hearing tones that matched men's or women's voices made androgynous headshots appear more masculine or feminine. In other words, a sonorous voice can actually enhance your looks.
Your reputation precedes you
No matter how spectacular your entrance, your reputation got there before you. And it has primed everyone's reptilian brain to render a high-speed decision on whether you are to be trusted. If the answer is affirmative, that charming chap holding court in the center of the room may be kindly disposed to flash you a smile, let down his guard, and begin the dance of attraction.
But if the amygdala sends up a caution flag -- otherwise known as anxiety -- you may have to work extra hard to create a positive impression. It may be, finds a team of German and Austrian researchers, that we're all far more attuned to advance word than to the evidence before our very eyes.
People like people whom others find attractive. You might be inclined to think it's because socializing with (or sleeping with) the It girl enhances your own status in the crowd. And maybe it does. But a recent study suggests it's also an effective mating shortcut. Choosing a good partner takes time and energy. When one woman finds a guy attractive, others are likely to flock to him too. Scientists call it "mate-choice copying." It makes life easier for fish and birds, and it turns out to be the way people operate, too.
Copyright © 2009, Tribune Media Services
October 26, 2009
Forces of Attraction
The building blocks of sex appeal.
When you're attracted to someone, your whole body switches on. It's like hearing the first bars of your favorite song. And though it might feel like magic, it isn't random. It's just too complex for us to discern the harmony. Attraction is so subtle that we would trip over our own feet if we were aware of every move. That's why our brains have set us up to draw instantaneous inferences from tiny nuances of behavior, what psychologists call "thin slices" of judgment. We form first impressions of another's attractiveness in a tenth of a second, generating a symphonic burst of desire in which everything from voice to wit plays a part.
What's in a voice?
The sound of a sexy voice can echo for generations ("Happy Birthday, Mr. President..."). And the dissonance of an ear-blistering cackle can turn away even the most interested suitors (call it the Fran Drescher effect). But between these extremes, how much do we weigh the voice of a potential partner--and what do we listen for when they first open their mouths?
Accents affect our perceptions, as do speed and pitch. We judge fast talkers to be more educated, and those with varied inflection to be more interesting. Men prefer higher voices in women, and women like deeper voices in men (especially when ovulating or looking for a short-term relationship). Pitch correlates only loosely with height, but is closely tied to hormone levels -- meaning it's a good indicator of fertility or dominance, as well as health and attractiveness. "In general, people with attractive voices have attractive faces," says David Feinberg, a psychologist at McMaster University, Hamilton, Ontario, Canada.
If your voice eclipses your face as your star quality, keep your mouth moving. A recent study showed that hearing tones that matched men's or women's voices made androgynous headshots appear more masculine or feminine. In other words, a sonorous voice can actually enhance your looks.
Your reputation precedes you
No matter how spectacular your entrance, your reputation got there before you. And it has primed everyone's reptilian brain to render a high-speed decision on whether you are to be trusted. If the answer is affirmative, that charming chap holding court in the center of the room may be kindly disposed to flash you a smile, let down his guard, and begin the dance of attraction.
But if the amygdala sends up a caution flag -- otherwise known as anxiety -- you may have to work extra hard to create a positive impression. It may be, finds a team of German and Austrian researchers, that we're all far more attuned to advance word than to the evidence before our very eyes.
People like people whom others find attractive. You might be inclined to think it's because socializing with (or sleeping with) the It girl enhances your own status in the crowd. And maybe it does. But a recent study suggests it's also an effective mating shortcut. Choosing a good partner takes time and energy. When one woman finds a guy attractive, others are likely to flock to him too. Scientists call it "mate-choice copying." It makes life easier for fish and birds, and it turns out to be the way people operate, too.
Copyright © 2009, Tribune Media Services
Dating Tips: 7 Signs He's Serious About You
Dating Tips: 7 Signs He's Serious About You
By dating blogger Rich Santos for Marie Claire Photo:
Getty Images Updated: Nov 5, 2009
In that first month of dating, even the coolest guy can only play it so cool. If he's serious, he'll drop hints.
It's hard to remember the simple things that indicate he is serious about you when you're being courted, especially when his game is intoxicating, and he's saying "all the right things." So keep in mind, seriousness should not be measured by:
- The amount of money he's spending on you
- The grandeur of dates
- The frequency of dates
- The nice things he says
During the fledgling weeks of dating, if he's doing any of the following, there's a chance that he's serious:
#1. He Calls/Texts at the Right Time
It's good when a guy texts/calls any time, any day. And subject matter should range from date ideas to insignificant things like the fact that he found a $10 bill on the sidewalk on the way to work.
#2. He Wants to See You... a Lot
I'll try to see a girl as often as I can when I'm into her. Even though I'm a certified expert in the art of laziness, I overcome my desire to sleep or do nothing in those critical early moments of the relationship. My priorities change from Ramen, Wikipedia, and TV to wine bars, walks, and dinners.
#3. You Pass the Distance Test
It seems this always happens: You meet someone you like, you hang out for a few weeks, and then a holiday or business trip interrupts. So, instead of riding the momentum of the sparks, you must brave that week apart. Will things be the same afterwards? Will you communicate?
If I'm into a girl, time away intensifies my desire to communicate
If I'm into a girl, time away intensifies my desire to communicate and I anticipate seeing her again -- and I definitely contact her while we are apart. If I'm not into her, she is easily dismissed from my thoughts when we are apart.
#4. You Stack Up Against the Things He Loves to Do
I never thought I'd see the day when guys in our Ravens football watching group would not only show up with a girl, but they'd also miss some of the game because of morning brunch. Yikes! But that's exactly what one of my friends is doing now. I would struggle to sacrifice Ravens time, but when I'm into a girl, she is on the same plane as the things I'm passionate about.
#5. He Finds a Way to Make Time for You
Some people love work, but I would be discouraged if someone worked instead of spending time with me in the first few weeks of a relationship. Even when work needs to be done, I'll find a way to get it done and see the girl. When I'm not into her, I might use the work as an excuse to avoid her.
#6. You See His Other Side
I'm a goofball. People wonder how I'll ever meet someone. They don't understand that the right girl will see the other side of me: serious, behaved, deep, thoughtful, and respectful. When I'm into a girl, I never say anything obnoxious in front of her... at least until I know she likes me. When I'm not into a girl, I'll just act like an idiot with my friends -- almost as if she isn't there.
#7. You Have Down Time Together
If I'm into her, the time we spend just hanging out is the best -- I imagine sun-drenched mornings lying in bed, making breakfast, enjoying "Saved by The Bell" episodes together, and other low-key moments. But if I'm not into a girl, I'll leave her place, or "encourage" her to leave my place instead of hanging out.
Unfortunately, some guys can pull off all of the above without being serious. But usually, a guy who is not serious will not put forth so much effort. Sometimes, in our zeal to find companionship, we forget the simple things, and we convince ourselves that, even though we aren't getting much of someone's time, they are into us. We deserve a relationship with mutual effort that is not simply being used as a means to an end. It's simply about enjoying each other's company.
By dating blogger Rich Santos for Marie Claire Photo:
Getty Images Updated: Nov 5, 2009
In that first month of dating, even the coolest guy can only play it so cool. If he's serious, he'll drop hints.
It's hard to remember the simple things that indicate he is serious about you when you're being courted, especially when his game is intoxicating, and he's saying "all the right things." So keep in mind, seriousness should not be measured by:
- The amount of money he's spending on you
- The grandeur of dates
- The frequency of dates
- The nice things he says
During the fledgling weeks of dating, if he's doing any of the following, there's a chance that he's serious:
#1. He Calls/Texts at the Right Time
It's good when a guy texts/calls any time, any day. And subject matter should range from date ideas to insignificant things like the fact that he found a $10 bill on the sidewalk on the way to work.
#2. He Wants to See You... a Lot
I'll try to see a girl as often as I can when I'm into her. Even though I'm a certified expert in the art of laziness, I overcome my desire to sleep or do nothing in those critical early moments of the relationship. My priorities change from Ramen, Wikipedia, and TV to wine bars, walks, and dinners.
#3. You Pass the Distance Test
It seems this always happens: You meet someone you like, you hang out for a few weeks, and then a holiday or business trip interrupts. So, instead of riding the momentum of the sparks, you must brave that week apart. Will things be the same afterwards? Will you communicate?
If I'm into a girl, time away intensifies my desire to communicate
If I'm into a girl, time away intensifies my desire to communicate and I anticipate seeing her again -- and I definitely contact her while we are apart. If I'm not into her, she is easily dismissed from my thoughts when we are apart.
#4. You Stack Up Against the Things He Loves to Do
I never thought I'd see the day when guys in our Ravens football watching group would not only show up with a girl, but they'd also miss some of the game because of morning brunch. Yikes! But that's exactly what one of my friends is doing now. I would struggle to sacrifice Ravens time, but when I'm into a girl, she is on the same plane as the things I'm passionate about.
#5. He Finds a Way to Make Time for You
Some people love work, but I would be discouraged if someone worked instead of spending time with me in the first few weeks of a relationship. Even when work needs to be done, I'll find a way to get it done and see the girl. When I'm not into her, I might use the work as an excuse to avoid her.
#6. You See His Other Side
I'm a goofball. People wonder how I'll ever meet someone. They don't understand that the right girl will see the other side of me: serious, behaved, deep, thoughtful, and respectful. When I'm into a girl, I never say anything obnoxious in front of her... at least until I know she likes me. When I'm not into a girl, I'll just act like an idiot with my friends -- almost as if she isn't there.
#7. You Have Down Time Together
If I'm into her, the time we spend just hanging out is the best -- I imagine sun-drenched mornings lying in bed, making breakfast, enjoying "Saved by The Bell" episodes together, and other low-key moments. But if I'm not into a girl, I'll leave her place, or "encourage" her to leave my place instead of hanging out.
Unfortunately, some guys can pull off all of the above without being serious. But usually, a guy who is not serious will not put forth so much effort. Sometimes, in our zeal to find companionship, we forget the simple things, and we convince ourselves that, even though we aren't getting much of someone's time, they are into us. We deserve a relationship with mutual effort that is not simply being used as a means to an end. It's simply about enjoying each other's company.
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